Sending Love Letters to Animals and Other Totally Normal Human Behaviors by Chase Connor

Author:Chase Connor [Chase Connor]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The Lion Fish Press
Published: 2022-08-17T00:00:00+00:00

Almost everyone had already left on the school buses or gotten in their cars and headed home. I’d never realized how lonely the parking lot at my high school could feel when everyone was gone and I was sitting in my car, staring out at nothing. Some of the teachers’ cars were still in the lot, though there were few. It was Friday after all. Everyone was anxious to start their weekend and not think about the halls of A.M. Whiteman for two full days.

I couldn’t blame anyone for that.

As I stared out at nothing, my eyes unfocused, what Ms. Tabatabai had said in English kept playing in my head. What we all did each day, the things we said, but moreso, the things we did, told everyone who we were deep down inside. She was willing to let us all slack off with the project, lower our GPAs marginally. That was our choice. But it would tell her what to think of us as people.

Did I care what Ms. Tabatabai thought of me? Did I care what anyone thought of me? More importantly, what did I want everyone to think of me? If someone was to think of Ryan Offsteader, what did I want their mind to conjure up? Did I really have any control over that anyway? Even if I did and said the right things day in and day out, minute after minute, hour after hour, could I control what people thought of me? If I was in control of my words and actions, weren’t other people in control of what they thought of my words and actions?

If I spoke and behaved in a way that described me perfectly every second of my life, it didn’t guarantee that people would think what I wanted. Right?

Then again, did I want people to get the wrong impression of me because of what went on inside their head—or because I’d done something boneheaded? Did I want to give people reasons to think I was a piece of crap?

Thinking about the project, Ms. Tabatabai, and Chris, I knew there was only one right answer.

I’d caused damage by inaction and silence before. I didn’t want to do that again. No matter what it said about me. Regardless of what people thought of it. I wanted to fix that mistake. Well, maybe not fix it. I couldn’t turn back time, after all. But I could make sure I learned from my past mistakes. That was something I wanted people to know about me. I could learn from my past problematic behavior. I could grow as a person.

I wanted to grow as a person.

When the sound of knuckles rapping on my window sounded, I jerked so hard in my seat that my head nearly hit the roof of my car. My head whipped to the left to find a pair of shoulders and a head peeking through my window. I turned the key in the ignition far enough to give my window the juice to roll down.

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