Raggy Arsed Lads by Allan Finlay

Author:Allan Finlay [Finlay, Allan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Amazon
Published: 2013-05-13T23:00:00+00:00

10

The Preparation

Tommy had bought a very old single-decker bus that had a large cab in which Barry could fit. Big Barry had brought it back to the yard to convert it into a bus that would transport fifty men to London, would also act as a breakdown and, if necessary, tow a bus back. It would also carry some spare wheels and a couple of drums of diesel, along with a jack, tow ropes, chains and Barry’s tools.

Tommy had asked Mr McManus if he could borrow his breakdown to take with them for use as a backup vehicle. Everything seemed set. The big worry was, however, would all the drivers turn up? They all had instructions to be at Kathy’s Café at six o’clock on Friday morning.

*

On the Monday afternoon it was raining. A small slight figure in a raincoat had entered McCue’s yard and walked up the steps to the office, where the man knocked on the door. Tommy answered to find it was Cllr Bumsgrove with some papers he had pulled out of his coat, which he handed to Tommy.

“What’s this?” asked Tommy, leaving the councillor out in the rain.

“Due to the pollution of our town, I hereby give you written notice, which summons you to move off this site by the end on the month.”

“Pollution?” said Tommy. “What pollution?”

Cllr Bumsgrove read from a list.

“The burning of tyres, the spillage of oil, the sonorousness of your crane and the fact that you don’t have a toilet.”

“You can’t make me move just because of pollution,” Tommy replied.

“I’m not,” said Bumsgrove, “I’m making you move because you don’t have planning permission for your business!” Bumsgrove could see by Tommy’s face he had got him up against the ropes, so he carried on, “Also I’ve heard you are bringing fifty buses into the town, may I ask where you are going to park them all?”

Tommy was incensed.

“I am going to park them all around the town hall and make use of the town’s free parking. Anyway, going back to the fact I don’t have planning permission - I’ll just put in for it.”

Bumsgrove smiled.

“You could do that, but you will need to pay the planning fee, which would only be a waste of money for you, as I have it on good authority that the members of the planning committee will be told to refuse any application you make. You will find the usage of our chief whip perfectly legal. Good day, Mr McCue.”

“Did you have a nice party the other morning? I heard the sandwiches were very good,” Tommy shouted to him as he left.

The councillor turned, looking puzzled.

“Yes, they were very good.”

“I made them,” said Tommy, “with cat food - meeoow!”

Bumsgrove felt sick as he looked angrily at the conceited Tommy then off he went turning right out of the yard and up Stumble Street. What a shambles!

Tommy read through the papers. The planning fee was a thousand pounds. Now he knew he had been stitched up.

Kipper came into the yard and asked if he and his mate, Spanner, could come and drive a couple of buses back.

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