Never Have I Ever Ridden a Bike by Alice Winters

Author:Alice Winters [Winters, Alice]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2022-11-01T16:00:00+00:00

As I sit behind the counter at my bakery, I realize it’s been over a month since I’ve gotten onto the Never Have I Ever forum.

We’re slow at the moment, so I look through it and click on the post I’d made about never having ridden a bike. As I scroll past the comments of “Who hasn’t ridden a bike, what a loser” and a “I wanna ride yo’ momma,” I stop suddenly when I see a username I recognize.

LancetheMighty:

Never have I ever told my roommate and best friend how much I love him and how bad he is at riding bikes.

My heart swells as I realize that I literally have the best boyfriend in the entire world. As if he knows I’m talking about him, the door slides open and Lance saunters in wearing his scrubs.

“Lance!” I say. “You’re here!”

“Don’t act surprised,” he says as he pulls out his phone to read the texts I may or may not have sent him. “‘Lance, come to the bakery. Lance, if you don’t come to the bakery, I won’t ever let you… come again.’” He whispers that last part. He clears his throat like he has more to read, but I just smile lovingly at him.

“Don’t pretend you don’t like my threats.”

He grins at me. “I won’t. I wanted to see you anyway. I got us an appointment to see that house this evening.”

“Really?” I ask excitedly.

“Really, really.”

“That’s amazing. I can’t wait to go,” I say as the bell above the door dings. “Welcome to—it’s you. We’re closed.” I glare at the man who’s decided to rain on my parade.

Donny beams at me as he struts in. “Sure looks open to me. What’d you make for me?”

“Just the finest rat poison and arsenic with a crumble topping.”

“You do know I love crumble,” he says like he doesn’t have a history of threatening us.

I lean into Lance. “What if we just off him?”

“Where would we hide the body?” he whispers back.

“True…”

“I can hear you guys,” Donny says. “And if you want a 101 on body hiding, I can teach you.”

Lance leans over the counter. “Just give him the pie. Maybe he’ll leave.”

I grab the pie Donny picks, snatch a piping bag with a nice buttercream I’d been using for a cake, and write “Don’t Ever Come Back” on the pie before sealing it up and sending him on his way with it.

Then I turn to Lance and give him a grin.

“What’d you do?” he asks after Donny is gone.

“Just wrote him a note.”

He laughs as he leans against the wall.

“I saw what you wrote on the bike riding thing,” I admit.

“Did you?”

“Yeah. I’m glad you accomplished your never have I ever as well.”

“I sure did,” he says with a smile. “Now I have to think of some other never have I evers to do with you.”

“Never have I ever taken the man of my dreams out to some fancy restaurant to celebrate our first house,” I say.

“I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, but you know what? I love that idea,” he says.

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