Mrs Van Gogh by Caroline Cauchi

Author:Caroline Cauchi [Cauchi, Caroline]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780008524517
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers

October, 1888.

* * *

I’m unsettled. It isn’t that I’m unhappy or wanting, it’s more that I’m restless. Waiting for my life to begin, yet entirely uncertain how that will look.

Theo’s spoken about the freedom our marriage will gift me – about the adventures we’ll have in the future, about travel that fits around his work, about how he’ll help me find a position in the art world that best fits with my skills. He enables Vincent, he’ll enable my love of art too – in whatever form that takes. For I have persisted with a paintbrush, but my attempts all end up so imperfectly on the canvas; I clearly have no real skill with oils.

Theo was full of excitement earlier though: ‘I’ve arranged instruction in clay from Camille.’

Yet the more I hear about poor artists and their relentless torment to reproduce what they see, the more I look at art differently: for each piece tells the story of the creator’s fleeting moments of joyful making before returning to their everlasting torture.

Perhaps I’m finally acknowledging that I have no artistic aptitude? Be that temperament or ability.

Yet still I so want to find my place in that world. Later I spoke to Theo about how the observing of art and artists pleases me: how the offering of opinion and comment is something I adore.

‘Perhaps you’re destined to be an art dealer,’ he said.

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