Living in the Sweet Spot by Amy Baltzell

Author:Amy Baltzell
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781935412380
Publisher: Fitness Information Technology
Published: 2013-05-09T00:00:00+00:00

Examining and shifting our appraisal: a key to change. The key point is that we have a choice, and it lies in how we appraise the challenge. One of the most promising ideas that I have gleaned from Lazarus’s theory of emotion is based on the simple phrase, “Change the meaning, change the emotion.” What he means by this is that if we think about any challenge differently, we can respond differently.

According to Lazarus, our “beliefs about self and the world” affect how we interpret the demands around us. Our emotional response will also be tempered by how we judge ourselves. If we see ourselves as able and competent, we are more likely to respond to a demand more positively. It really doesn’t matter if we are highly skilled and competent. Competence isn’t the key. Believing in our ability is the key.

Also, how we see the world impacts our emotional responses. Do we see the world as a safe, warm place, full of possibilities? Do we see the world as nurturing us, guiding us in the direction that best suits our abilities and skills? Or do we see the world as harsh, unkind, and judgmental? We have a choice in how we see the world. Whatever we pull for seems to gain our attention and grow. We can transform our emotional responses if we encourage ourselves to look for the good, the kind, and the benevolent that surrounds us at all times.

Our ability to rely on our “personal resources,” according to Lazarus, is also key in terms of how we react emotionally. I have a 6-year-old son, and with that comes many opportunities for me to observe strong emotional reactions in both his and my own responses. In particularly challenging moments, my son will say and/or act in a way that is consistent with his go-to statement, “I want what I want when I want it.” Clearly, he can’t always get what he wants. When he is pushed, he will quickly become overwrought with intense, negative emotions like anger, frustration, or indignation.

Historically, I’d match his surge of emotions; I’d begin to feel what he was feeling. I’d have to force myself to try to kindly guide or instruct myself how to act when racked with negative emotion. I thought for a while that I was just going to have to endure the negative feelings. I didn’t know that I had other resources, my own personal resources, on which I could rely. I learned that it is possible to move to an authentic centered, peaceful, and self-controlled space. I can be the emotional leader in my own life and, subsequently, for my son as well. This probably should have been a realization that I had when I was 10 or 15 years old, but better late than never.

We all have extraordinary, perhaps limitless, personal resources. But we must first acknowledge them and sense them, before we can lean upon them. Part of learning how to effectively cope with our emotions includes figuring out how to rely upon ourselves.

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