Is It Hot in Here (Or Am I Suffering for All Eternity for the Sins I Committed on Earth)? by Zach Zimmerman

Author:Zach Zimmerman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Chronicle Books LLC

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Against my will and better judgment, I built an advertising career. College was four years of learning how to swim, only to be thrown out of a plane. So I jumped at the first stable office job that would support my nighttime creative ambitions and slowly climbed the ladder. As a friend explained, “You bloom where you’re planted.” As I understand it, I find money hard to turn down. By day, I was an overpaid business-person; by night, an unpaid clown.

I was underqualified for every role, which meant I rose through the ranks quickly. You might think a marketing job requires a certain level of knowledge and pedigree; it’s actually quite the opposite. The less you know, the better. The confidence that ignorance allows is unmatched.

When I arrived at the New York office, my manager, Cathy, a chain-smoker from New Jersey who went to Atlantic City for major holidays, welcomed me to Times Square. In my first week, I saw Chris Hansen on the street filming a segment, Stephen Colbert’s studio, and the Broadway theaters I’d idolized as a kid.

Cathy suspected this job was just a job to me, but she was willing to make it as OK as possible to keep me there for as long as possible. She also gave me a warning about my new direct report.

“Peter was fired from his last job, so he’s kind of always anxious about being fired. You should say hi.”

I had to pretend to like this job enough to convince someone else to also like it. The hardest part about managing other people, I learned, is that you can no longer lie only to yourself.

I went over to Peter’s desk to say hi.

“What? Do you think you’re better than me?” Peter asked.

“I’m sorry …?”

“Your shirt. It’s tucked in.”

“Oh,” I said. “No. No, I don’t think I’m better than you.”

It was the beginning of our fruitful collaboration.

My main job responsibility was reminding Peter every day that he wasn’t going to be fired. That way, he could get his work done, so he would subsequently not be fired. I needed him to be good at his job because I did not know how to do mine. I constantly reassured him and told him things were good, even when I didn’t think they were.

In my defense, what I lacked in technical skill, I made up for in empathy. In my weekly one-on-ones with Peter, we talked less about work and more about life: his mind, his hopes, his love life. Within a month, he’d met a young woman, which gave him a certain pep in his step; within another week, she’d shown him the door, which gave his shoulders a certain sink.

I stepped into action. I may not have known how to do advanced Excel functions, but I knew how to comfort the dumped.

The Times Square Applebee’s is the largest Applebee’s on Planet Earth. A trio of hosts welcomed us to the megaplex, and another trio of servers brought us oversized burgers that helped Peter swap his heartache for an ache of the stomach variety.

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