From Triggered to Tranquil by Susan Campbell

Author:Susan Campbell
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: New World Library
Published: 2021-07-13T00:00:00+00:00

The Reassuring Response

After one person listens intently to their partner’s repair statement, that person should give a reassuring response. This is a simple statement of understanding and love that is preferably accompanied by gentle touch, eye contact, and a soothing voice. Here are some examples:

I do love you … very much.

I love you just as you are.

I really do respect you.

I do accept you just as you are.

You are good enough, more than good enough.

I would never abandon you. I’m in this for the long haul.

I do value spending time with you. I want you to know this.

Your needs are so very important to me.

I want to know and hear your needs and feelings.

I want you to feel safe with me and know that I do not blame you.

In essence, every repair statement is meant to end with the person expressing what reassurance they need (to feel loved, accepted, and so on). Ideally, the reassuring response would be a sincere statement that directly addresses that need. If you are not feeling spacious and friendly enough to do this, then find something you appreciate and offer that, such as, “I appreciate you for letting me know how you feel.” Or just offer a hug.

Sometimes it helps to use a preamble, such as: “I see your need now, and I want to give you that. I want to give you what I couldn’t last night. I do want to hear your needs.” That said, watch out for and avoid a challenging, demeaning, or defensive preamble, such as: “Of course …” (as in, “Of course, your needs matter!”), “You should know by now …,” “How many times have I told you … ,” or “Don’t be silly. …” These phrases are generally not reassuring.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.