Found in Transition by Paria Hassouri

Author:Paria Hassouri
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781608687091
Publisher: New World Library
Published: 2020-07-29T00:00:00+00:00

I’m getting not just more used to the new Aydin but developing a fondness for him — almost like having a new baby that you are figuring out....Today at 5 we meet with the new therapist at the LA Gender Center. I hope this therapist works out. I hope it ends up being someone he can talk to and figure things out with for a while.

I was ready to start seeing my baby in a new light, yet within a week, I found myself frustrated and impatient again. I needed to know whether or not she was definitely transgender. I could not move on until I knew. My entire life, I’ve always tried to control everything. Here I was faced with a giant thing that I could not control, that no one could. One day in Sephora, I saw two trans girls with heavy makeup on, laughing together. I couldn’t help noticing them. Immediately, I got sad. I don’t want people to look at Aydin and notice him as different right away, I thought. I don’t want this life for him. What exactly was “this life” in my mind? A life that was limited by being transgender.

On another day, I walked into Anthropologie and saw a salesman who had a beard, but who was very flamboyant in his style, wearing women’s booties and dangly earrings. Again, I thought, Why can’t Aydin just be über gay and weird and fun and his own person like this guy? And then Ava and I got into an argument over picking her courses for sophomore year, and within a couple days I found myself being her advocate again.

During freshman year, Ava was in men’s choir. She loved to sing, but in February, when it came time to choose her elective courses for sophomore year, she said she wanted to quit choir and take an extra math class instead. She didn’t want to audition for the advanced coed choir group called the Madrigals. If she tried out and didn’t make it, she’d automatically be assigned to another year of men’s choir. “You love to sing. Why would you take an extra math class? Math is not a real elective. You have to try out,” I told her.

“He doesn’t have to try out if he doesn’t want to. Let him pick what he wants. It’s his decision,” Babak countered.

I was pissed that I was the one who was taking care of 95 percent of things, yet Ava and her dad were siding against me. And I was mad because I knew why she didn’t want to continue in choir: it was because of the required outfit for boys for concerts, which was a white dress shirt, black dress pants, black tie, belt, and shoes. The girls wore a long black dress with black tights and black Mary Jane shoes. I was trying to get her to admit why she didn’t want to try out, and she just kept saying, “I just don’t.” After a door-slamming fight, I tried again the next day.

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