Forgive Me Not by Jennifer Baker

Author:Jennifer Baker [Baker, Jennifer]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Young Readers Group
Published: 2023-08-15T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 20

Hey Viv,

It’s funny. Between you, me, and Vin, I think the only thing we ever agreed on—besides how boring the TV mysteries Mom watches are or how bad Dad’s jokes always are—is that peanut butter and chocolate are the best combination ever made. Most other times, I remember us disagreeing. For example, First Day of School Pancakes. Vin liked banana chocolate chip. I preferred chocolate chip—why ruin it with bananas? You were all about blueberry, also a favorite of Mom and Dad’s. “A traditional fave,” they used to say.

Usually, Mom and Dad used to default to your preference, because it was theirs too. Mostly, Mom said she wanted us to learn to share and compromise. She or Dad said it was no big deal, it was one breakfast. It’s a silly example, but it seemed like some of us were compromising more than others.

When I was your age, my teacher told my class a story about the Incredible Shrinking Girl. The girl got smaller whenever she went unnoticed. If days or weeks went by where no one said her name or acknowledged her, she’d shrink and shrink until she was no bigger than a speck of dust. Then she’d disappear forever. “Poof,” the teacher would say, blowing a pretend speck from the tip of a finger. One day, a prince—there’s always a prince—almost stepped on her but caught himself. By then, she was only a couple inches tall; she’d been ignored for weeks, but the handsome prince—the prince is always handsome—noticed before his shoe squashed her whole body. When he asked her name, he had to bend down and put his ear low to the ground. She squeaked her name, then he repeated it, leading the girl to grow an inch. From then on, the prince always made sure to look down when he walked so he wouldn’t flatten her, or anyone else. Each day, he made a point to find her and say her name. I never remember the name of the girl or the prince, but I remember the story clearly. It’s not the best story for kids or anyone really, but it’s one I can relate to. Especially now that I have so much time to think.

Here’s the truth, Viv: I felt small. In photos I was always cheering you or Vin on, but not being cheered for. I am quiet and nervous and, like Callie says, bad at track. I stand out because I don’t stand out, even in my family. And that made me feel small because I didn’t know how to make my voice bigger.

When you hear your older brother tell you, “Don’t be so dramatic all the time,” or you overhear Mom and Dad say about you, “She just wants attention,” or Gram and Gramps say, “She’s a sensitive child compared to the others,” it sounds like the problem—the common denominator—is you. That’s when you shrink little by little over time.

So maybe when people thought it was cute whenever you stood on

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