Different Loving Too by Gloria G. Brame

Author:Gloria G. Brame [Brame, Gloria G.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame, Different Loving, BDSM, Self-Help, Sexual Instruction, Psychology, Human Sexuality, Fetish, Health, Fitness
Publisher: CCB Publishing
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

*Sybil Holiday

Popular BDSM teacher, lecturer and former professional dominatrix, Sybil had to step back from her career because of a disability.

When I was first interviewed in 1991 I was 42 years old, considered myself a leatherwoman, and was very involved in the leather community in San Francisco. That initial interview was also conducted under my prodomme name, M. Cybelle, and today this one is under my private name, Sybil Holiday. Now, at age 66, I wouldn’t call myself socially a leatherwoman as my relationship to the current leather community is very different than the one I had with the group of folks I encountered in 1980.

But I have always had an alpha personality; it was simply brought to the surface, and then honed in that world. I should also point out that I don’t use the term BDSM. For me, my sexual and social nature is still described by the terms that existed when I started out in 1980; SM, leather sex, and Top and bottom. In 1984 the term D/s (dominance/submission) were created, and I found they were applicable to my way of being in charge as it isn’t really a role for me, it is an authentic way of being.

BDSM is a huge, overlapping term that holds no real meaning for me, and I’m also unhappy that the D/s in the middle of those overlapping initials gets lost a lot. I haven’t played either privately or professionally since 2005, but if I did privately today it still would be D/s, energy-based SM, and teaching service from a spiritual perspective.

I miss the structure that I encountered in the gay leather scene. Through those experiences with leathermen and leatherwomen I learned to process pain, get high on endorphins from a decent cathartic flogging, I learned about erotic energy and how to exchange it, and I learned to actually surrender control and authority. I believe these personal experiences, and the knowledge gained, of both mind and body, is what made me such an in-tune whip-mistress and Domina.

My life in this world has taught me some important lessons. Before I found leather and topping, I had been covert about my sexual needs. I didn’t realize it at the time but I never directly asked for what I wanted sexually. I couldn’t verbalize my desires, I would just let a partner know if I liked something by sound and movement, and I’d go completely still and quiet if I didn’t. But I never spoke directly about it, I couldn’t say, “A little more to the left, and slower.” With SM and being a Top it was a given that I was supposed to give direction and even to require that my sexual needs get cared for first. I’d never done that before, even as an outrageous stripper and hippie who was into equality. It was incredibly empowering.

I also learned how a fetish can be extraordinarily specific. I have average feet with a nice high arch BUT my toenails are a little odd, some curve straight upward.

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