Can't Take That Away by Steven Salvatore

Author:Steven Salvatore
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing

TRACK 22

THEY/THEM/THEIR

Dr. Potter says, “Tell me what’s going on,” in a soothing voice that blends with the whir of the ambiance machine in the corner. What she’s really saying is, “What happened? Because you look a fresh mess. Your body is so tense it might as well be made out of cement, and your resting bitch face is out of control.”

Maybe I’m projecting.

I don’t want to answer her. Half out of fear that I’ll cry, and half out of fear that once I start talking, I’ll go wild. I’m an unstoppable forest fire of emotions: one ember is all it will take to ignite a blaze that not even Dr. Potter will be able to put out.

“Do you want to talk about what happened today at school?”

I avoid eye contact.

“Your mom called and filled me in, a bit. Let’s start there.”

Of course she did. When Monroe and Joey couldn’t find me after school, they called Mom, who promptly freaked out. Now that Monroe and Joey know about my ideations, they watch me like mama birds do their chicks. It makes me feel safe and suffocated all at once.

I grit my teeth. “I’m tired.”

She leans back in her black leather office chair and rests her hands on her stomach. She’s waiting for me to talk.

I glance out the window. The snow has turned to rain. My gaze fixates on the passing cars, one after another after another, blurs of color sliding across pavement. Raindrops tap-tap-tap haphazardly on the sill, lulling me into a trance.

“Did you know that Mariah’s nickname in high school was Mirage? She always cut class because she was determined to be a famous singer. Her classmates thought she was a mirage, a figment of their imagination, an afterimage. Isn’t that funny? I never thought of myself as a mirage, more like the invisible person. For a while, I wasn’t. I thought I might finally belong at school. But Max—what he did …” I choke out everything that’s happened over the last few days. “We tried to tell Principal McCauley that the school felt unsafe after Mr. Jackson’s tirade, but she didn’t listen.”

“Who is we?” Dr. Potter asks.

“Phoebe and Cris. And me.”

“What did she say?”

“She made it seem like it was all in my head. Downplayed it like, no big deal, whatever. But this? Today? That can’t be in my head, right?”

“It’s not.” Dr. Potter pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “That’s a form of microaggression.”

“Exactly. But how can I prove that? She made me feel like I’m in the wrong for being targeted, you know?”

“How did seeing that video make you feel?” Dr. Potter asks, circling back to Max.

“Embarrassed. Everyone was laughing at me. It made me feel violated all over again.” I take a deep breath. “Why does Max keep doing this to me? And before you ask, yes, I’m sure it was Max. He’s the only one with the video. Mr. Kelly sent him to the principal’s office, and he broke into my locker, stole my lucky ruby red slippers, a picture of Joey and me, and released the video.

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