Bruised by Tanya Boteju

Author:Tanya Boteju
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers
Published: 2021-03-23T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty-Two

“Dare I ask how the journaling is going?” Dr. Hoang was leaning on one hand, her face soft and relaxed. I appreciated that there didn’t seem to be any judgment in her expression.

I stared at my fingers as they scratched at the leather armrest of my chair. “It’s not. Going.” Scratch, scratch. “Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize. It was just a suggestion. I do still think it would help if you gave it a chance, though. I’ll just keep checking in with you and hoping for the best—how’s that?”

Shrug.

“So? What’s new?”

So much. It’d only been two days since the Honey Hijinks, and I found myself actually wanting to talk about that and the tryouts and roller derby, but I’d remained silent for so long here that it was hard to know how to begin. And if I started sharing stuff like this, what else might come out? There was so much that needed to stay where it was.

When I didn’t say anything, Dr. Hoang offered, “I watched some skateboarding videos.”

I looked up from my scratching fingers. Dr. Hoang’s face was serious, but her eyes smiled the tiniest bit.

“I don’t know what kind of tricks you do, but that shit is unbelievable.”

My lips parted ever so slightly. She’d never sworn before. Was this some adult trickery to make me open up? My curiosity got the better of me. “Who’d you watch?”

“Oh, I can’t remember, but it was older footage of a young woman. Peggy something? She was incredible. I can’t believe you do all that.”

“I probably don’t. I’m not that good.”

“Okay… I can’t believe you do even some of that.”

Before I could even think about it, I said, “I’m not really skateboarding anymore.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. You know much about roller derby?” I bet you don’t.

“Roller derby? I mean, I’ve seen the movie Whip It, but that’s about it. Roller skating, right?”

“Yeah.”

Her face became incredulous. “Daya, that looks even more unbelievable. How in the world did you get yourself into roller derby?”

I paused, my guard rising. I’d never talked about bruising here and I didn’t plan to now. But I didn’t have to share why I was doing roller derby. Selective sharing worked best in these situations. “A friend introduced me.”

“How do you like it?”

“It’s good.”

“How does it compare to skateboarding?”

The bruises are bigger, was my immediate thought. But then other stuff from this past week came to mind—skating in Alma and Joe’s cul-de-sac, Charlotte’s encouragements, Shanti’s hand around mine. Keep it simple. “It’s different. I have to think about more. Like, what other people are doing.”

“Right. Because it’s a team sport.”

“Yeah.”

“Is it helping at all?”

“Helping with what?”

“With anything. With feeling connected. With being happy.”

Christ. Why does everything have to come back to my damn feelings? I shrugged again and frowned.

“Daya, don’t retreat. You just seem a bit more open today, and I’m wondering if it has to do with roller derby, is all. It’s okay to be excited about something and want to share that excitement.”

I continued scratching at the armrest. Except that sharing makes things real.

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