A Skull in Connemara by Martin McDonagh

Author:Martin McDonagh
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
Published: 1997-05-15T00:00:00+00:00

Scene Three

Night, a day or two later. Set the same as in Scene One. Three skulls and their sets of bones lie on the table in front of Mairtin who stares dumbly down at them, swaying, drunk, blowing bubbles. He has a mallet in one hand and a quarter-empty bottle of poteen in the other, from which he takes disgusted sips every now and then. Mick can be heard rummaging through a toolbox offstage. He is also drunk.

Mick (off) There’s another one here somewhere I know.

Mairtin What do you be wanting an oul woody hammer for, Mick, now?

Mick They do call them mallets.

Mairtin Ohh. (Pause.) Skulls do be more scary on your table than they do be in their coffin. Why? I don’t know why. Some reason now.

Mick Are you getting scared, you wee pup?

Mairtin I’m not getting scared at all. All right I’m getting a bit scared. You won’t be leaving me on me own more long?

Mick The minute I find this feck I’ll be with you. No chance of you helping me look.

Mairtin (absently) No. (Pause.) Weren’t they terrible heathens whoever pinched your missus on you?

Mick They were. And if I ever got me hands on the fecks, then we’d see.

Mairtin What would you do to them, Mick? Would you give them a kick?

Mick It would be worse than a kick.

Mairtin Would you peg stones at them?

Mick Worse than stones it’d be.

Mairtin Peg … biteens’a … rocks …

Mick You wouldn’t have heard tell of who took her, Mairtin? Not one of your oul mates, I’m thinking?

Mairtin None of my mates. What would one of my mates be wanting with your oul missus? My mates don’t be fooling with dead missuses.

Mick And can we rule you off the list of suspects too?

Mairtin I’m on no list of suspects. If I was to be digging up your missus it’s good money I’d be wanting for the job, the same as you, cash in hand. Maybe it was a set of tinkers dug her up on you.

Mick What would tinkers be wanting with her?

Mairtin I don’t know. Maybe they were expecting another praitie blight and felt like something to be munching on ahead of time. Not that there’d be much to munch on with your missus. No willy anyways. As far as I know anyways, I didn’t know the woman. I still can’t believe that about them willies. That’s an awful thing.

Mick Found the feck!

Mick enters, a half-empty bottle of poteen in one hand, a mallet in the other, which he shows to Mairtin.

Mairtin What will be playing so, Mick? That oul game with the hoops and the sticks they do play in England with the hoops and the sticks and the balls they do play in England, what’s it called, with the hoops and the sticks? They do play it in England. It has a ‘c’.

Mick Are you looking in me eyes now, Mairtin?

Mairtin What eyes?

Mick My eyes.

Mairtin Aye, your eyes. Croquet!

Mick Did you have anything to do with my

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