The Replacement by Jacqueline Ward

The Replacement by Jacqueline Ward

Author:Jacqueline Ward [Ward, Jacqueline]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Bloodhound Books


I type back.

FFS

She responds quickly.

Where is she, though? This is really bad, mate. Hope you are okay.

Am I okay? I still feel in shock. All this introspection has made me forget about Tim. I didn’t even think about it when I got home. Or the footprints and the scratches. That I could be in danger. And now Daniel will be around again. On the plus side, the kids will be back tomorrow. My heart wakes up a little from protecting itself and I welcome the thought of routine. The school run and cooking. Washing and tucking them in at bedtime.

They will be full of puppy news, and I cannot wait to hear it. I check the time and dial Belinda’s number. It rings out and goes to answerphone. I don’t leave a message. I expect they have gone to get Daddy. I wonder if he will take them to his house or if they will all stay at Belinda’s. Then I realise I’m doing it again. I’m involving myself in something that has nothing to do with me.

I feel bad about Tim. I tried so hard, but now I realise I shouldn’t have needed to. It needed to be easy and relaxed instead of perpetual grand first dates. It could never develop into what I thought me and Daniel had even though that was what I kept trying for. He had some set ideas and I knew that from the start. It’s just difficult to know what to do in a new relationship with an old one trailing behind. I don’t think it is over. But it will need to be very different if we are going to continue.

I was just trying to compete with the golden couple. Everyone seems to be married and happy or living together and in love. I wanted it too. My childhood was spent wishing for a partner and a wedding and when I met Daniel, I was sure that it would last for a lifetime. It was a big shock to find out I had been kidding myself. And every time I think about it, I go back to asking myself what else he has lied about. Or is lying about.

I call Belinda’s house phone again. It goes to answerphone again. I call Daniel’s landline and imagine the white vintage dial phone ringing out in the empty house. The echo up the stairwell. My fingers go to my apps and my old habit of watching the house kicks in, but I realise that is over for good. I take the cameras and put them in a plastic bag. They cost a lot of money, and someone could use them again. But for now, I take them upstairs and push them to the back of a drawer in my bedside cabinet.

Back downstairs, I take the rest of the photographs off the front of the fridge. I leave just the pencil drawings from when the kids were little. All my photos are on my phone, but I will have some of them printed.



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