The Daydreaming Boy by Micheline Marcom

Author:Micheline Marcom [Marcom, Micheline]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Amazon: B084GHHCW6
Publisher: Goodreads Press
Published: 2020-02-03T07:00:00+00:00

IX

AND THIS ALSO TRUE: that you could never do it, that it was not possible, as if one tried to measure the distance from here to the blue dark line of the horizon—it forever beyond our reach and like unheld water, wind, like the return of history or the unhistoried man, like the specters speaking and returning speaking: c'était impossible. Because, my darling, you also could not see me. See the middle-aged man with the growing paunch; see the lifted hand shaking the tumbler from side to side because he would like more whiskey; see the wrinkles, the lust, the hahaha at the dinner parties; see the Armenian, the cigar in his mouth, the cigarettes lighted one after another, he is clapping his hands together when the neighbor's girls sing the before-bed songs and they are dancing in front of all of the guests, singing dancing and twirling around and you give him his whiskey and hahaha everyone applauds the young clean neighbor's girls; he applauds and takes the drink from you and sees the bruises on your arm when the sleeves of your dress fall back from your wrists, looks up into your face, not laughs, then you don't look at him, you straighten your back and you move away and the sleeves fall back into place and with the silver tray in your hand proceed to the next guest with his whiskey or arak. You don't look, cannot see: (salt warm sad): a lonely man who walks to the zoological gardens, makes cabinets and boxes, walks along the Corniche in the late evening and makes histories for his undead mother (undead because not lived)—he longs for her, for what he cannot know. And you could never do it, never love this man because you cannot see him; see: crooked teeth; tobacco on his breath when you lean over to give him his whiskey; small hands; lust in his eyes; hahaha with the neighbor and his wife and the other guests. —Not: (salt warm sad)—a man undone by history, unhistoried by it (like you?)

Or simply, darling, in sooth: because he is too old ugly smells old and you want a young strong man with big hands and a white even smile who loves you and sings to you and carries your packages and says 'You are the most beautiful' and 'Your eyes are like stars' and 'I cannot live without you, darling. I'll die without you.' The grocer's boy. The beautiful strong and lean boy who carries the boxes of rice and tinned milk and vermicelli to Yusef's flat. You unload the crates while he drinks the lemonade in the kitchen. He watches as you step up and down from your step stool, now not to reach the sink but to reach the highest cabinets to put away the rice and vermicelli noodles and he watching finally says your name and you turn to look at him, not realizing that he knew your name, and you smile at him, your calves taut from the stretch to put away the rice and noodles and he smiles in return.

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