Sh*t Towns of Australia by Rick Furphy

Author:Rick Furphy
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Allen & Unwin
Published: 2019-06-26T16:00:00+00:00

Wollongong

Wollongong is synonymous with most words starting with ‘un’: uncultured, unsafe, uninspiring, unclean, unsightly, undeniably unpleasant, unemployment, unprotected sex, unconsciousness and uncle-dads. Full of decaying buildings and relying on a raft of dying heavy industries, the crime-ridden industrial wasteland is essentially a rustier version of Newcastle.

Commonly called ‘The Gong’ because of all the bashings, Wollongong is home to a wide swathe of undesirable characters including drunken deros, strung-out needle fiends and an inexplicable number of personal trainers. Popular activities include getting caught in a coalmine explosion, getting glassed in Crown Street Mall, getting stabbed at the railway station and getting beaten up for having the wrong colour shirt or skin. Former lord mayor Frank Arkell once coined the phrase ‘Wonderful Wollongong’ to promote the city—then again, former lord mayor Frank Arkell was an alleged paedophile who ended up being brutally murdered in his own home, which somewhat undermines his slogan.

Aside from general violence and disrepair, Wollongong is famous for its beaches, which is fortunate because any length of time in town will leave you with the overwhelming desire to walk into the sea. Unfortunately, said beaches are all massively polluted by both local litterbugs and Port Kembla, the city’s primary cancer complex and coal export/heroin import docks. Wollongong features two lighthouses, each as shit as the other: Wollongong Breakwater Lighthouse, which doesn’t work, and Wollongong Head Lighthouse, which looks like a giant tampon.

TOWN SLOGAN Newcastle for People Who Have Given Up.

ALSO KNOWN AS The Gong, Woolly, Wollongronk, Wollonwrong, Wollonbong, Woollydong.

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