Self-care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents : Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Your Self, and Live With Confidence (9781684039845) by Gibson Lindsay C

Author:Gibson, Lindsay C. [Gibson, Lindsay C.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781684039821
Publisher: New Harbinger Pubns Inc
Published: 2021-07-19T21:07:24+00:00

39.

Finding a Spiritual Teacher

Wise and trustworthy guides will urge you to develop your own potential instead of expecting your adoration.

A spiritual seeker heard about a guru on the far side of the world who had the secret to the meaning of life. Though this sage lived in a cave high atop a remote mountain, the seeker set off to find him at all costs. Enduring unimaginable hardships for years, following many false leads, the seeker finally found and scaled the perilous mountain to the guru’s cave. Exhausted after the climb, the seeker crawled to the guru who sat cross-legged on a large boulder in front of his rocky cave.

“Oh Master,” the seeker panted, “tell me please. What is the secret of life?”

The guru smiled down at the seeker. After a long pause, he said, “Life is like a fountain.”

The seeker blinked at him for several moments. “Life is like a fountain?” asked the seeker incredulously.

The guru hesitated. Then he slowly said, “You mean, life isn’t like a fountain?”

The moral of this story is to never fear questioning your spiritual heroes. We all have an innate tendency to find someone to idealize, someone we can relate to as a superior being. But we often project special qualities onto other people because we don’t believe we could be that wise ourselves. Instead of nurturing our own growth, it can feel more natural to pin our hopes onto an idealized master. Too often, we fall for self-styled stars who need to be looked up to rather than ethical guides who teach us how to develop ourselves.

Many of us do this because we were raised to defer to authority and credentials no matter what, suppressing our doubts whenever an authority—especially an EI parent—made a questionable pronouncement. We take it for granted that experts know best, especially in the spiritual realm. It feels reassuring to put ourselves in the hands of people who show no self-doubt, who seem absolutely confident about their beliefs. But you have to be careful that you’re not putting yourself in the hands of a narcissist who needs to be more important than anyone else.

If anything is true in this world, it is that wise and trustworthy guides will urge you to develop your own potential instead of expecting your adoration. They will educate and encourage you, not recruit you as their acolyte. Wise guides enjoy explaining things and answering tough questions because they welcome the chance to think more deeply about their beliefs. If you feel baffled, they’ll keep looking for ways to make things clearer. They won’t muddy your inquiries with vague platitudes or mysterious evasions. They don’t hide behind obfuscation or promises to reveal the truth once you’ve paid up.

In contrast, self-glorifying spiritual teachers will make you feel embarrassed for putting them on the spot. They expect their clichés to stay airtight and unquestioned. It feels impolite to even notice that their wisdom doesn’t quite add up.

There’s a difference between feeling awe and feeling confusion. We all have a little awe-center in us that recognizes real wisdom and admirable character in another person.

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