Secondhand Life by Lindy Zart

Author:Lindy Zart [Zart, Lindy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2024-01-21T00:00:00+00:00

10

Archer

I avoid everyone and everything for over a solid week. Finished with the updates around Country Life, I have no reason to go to the shop. And even though I haven’t started on anything with Emma’s house, I don’t go there either—that one just about guts me. I know I need to think about what that means, but I can’t, not now.

Solitude is what I need, and I take it. I walk a lot. I sit on benches. I watch kids play at parks. I think. I breathe. I feel. I allow myself to grieve, and it hurts, but at the same time, it loosens the rock inside my chest.

I should have done this a long time ago. I should have stopped, just stopped it all, and let myself be. I couldn’t do that. I had to work; I had to fight. I had to distract myself. I had to go go go, so I didn’t think, and I didn’t feel, and I didn’t accept. I had to avoid me, instead of trying to figure out how to be okay with living while my wife and child are not.

I didn’t regret that I became a loan officer at a stuffy bank instead of working outside through the daytime hours. I didn’t regret that I moved from my town and my family and my friends to a state I had no desire to be in. I didn’t regret anything I gave up, because I had Hayley. She gave me love and I happily gave it back.

But when she died, I resented her. She left me, and she took the little life inside of her with her. She showed me how much I could love someone, and then she showed me how devastating it would be when that person was taken from me. I know she didn’t have a choice, and that if she had, she would have stayed, but logic isn’t always close by when dealing with grief.

My eyes burn and my throat muscles tighten.

Aimlessly walking through the town, I finally come to a stop before Lighthouse Bay. The wind is strong today. I turn my back to it and study the blue building. It’s rectangular in shape and has large picture windows, same as it did eight years ago.

With a scattered pulse and heavy boots, I grip the door handle. Stepping through the doors is like entering the past. The blue and cream walls, the nautical décor—it’s all the same as I remember. The scent of fried food and coffee, the sound of loud voices and the clang of dishware.

I find myself searching for a nervous girl with clumsy fingers, and I shake my head. She isn’t here. Hayley will never be here again.

I pick the nearest empty booth and slide into the seat. I sit in the diner where I first met Hayley, and I fight tears. I remember I ordered coffee, even though I hated coffee at the time. I was flustered, and couldn’t think straight when she waited on me.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.