Pink Ballerina (Our Cyber World Book 2) by Eduardo Suastegui

Author:Eduardo Suastegui [Suastegui, Eduardo]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Eduardo Suastegui
Published: 2014-05-18T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 25

Jesse pressed me for an answer for a minute or so, but I could tell his heart wasn’t fully in it. For all his bluster and bull-headed tenacity, he folded quickly, no doubt tired after a couple of days of tension-filled, sleep-deprived digging and diffusing of the landmine field Alente had uncovered before his demise. He didn’t balk long when Lucia suggested we all needed to get some rest and sleep on any decisions we needed to make. I didn’t resist either, joining Lucia in her bedroom while Jesse made do on the couch.

As I feared, with my mind racing to make sense of the situation, I remained awake, hearing Lucia’s soft breathing next to me and Jesse’s gritty, raspy snoring wafting in from the living room. I prepared for another sleepless night as my mind struggled to reassemble the jumbled puzzle of my life. To my surprise, I awoke to faint early sunshine, still hearing both of my companions in their respective states of sleep.

I got up gently and gingerly made my way to the kitchen, grabbing Jesse’s tablet along the way. I realized I’d need Jesse’s code to unlock it and searched my memory for the pattern he’d used the night before, recalling it at once. There it was, my photographic recall at work and in full command, the same recall that couldn’t fully connect the face of a woman I should know as well as mine.

And so I faced it again, the choice between reaching intellectual closure and walking away from full understanding. The decision should be clear, obvious. All my life I’d operated under the assumption that if I applied enough reason and collected enough facts, I could solve any riddle, make sense of anything, decide on even the most complex courses of action. But life has a way to whip that misconception out of you.

It isn’t so much that life is chaotic, random, a long string of events the long train of which doesn’t make sense. Oh, that’s what you tell yourself at first when frustrated and stymied you run headlong into what you consider nonsense. But what you call nonsense isn’t really nonsense; it’s something that makes sense in a way you disapprove. It’s sense, facts and a line of reasoning that don’t align with your preconceptions or with the way you’d prefer things to turn out. In other words, it’s what you don’t want to hear. It’s what will turn the way you view the world upside down. It may even demand that you change or give up something you’d rather keep intact, undisturbed.

And do you want to do that? Do you want to give up something that you think is important, but isn’t—not when compared to keeping your soul alive? Nah, not really. So you call it random, nonsense, irrational, illogical, unfair—whatever it takes for you to ignore what it means for you and the demands it places on your life.

As I looked at my predicament now, all this nonsense, I wondered how much of it I really wanted to understand.

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