Perfect Days (NHB Modern Plays) by Liz Lochhead

Author:Liz Lochhead
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Nick Hern Books

ACT TWO

Scene One

BRENDAN, alone in BARBS’s living room, is looking at an old ‘Anniversary of Death of Diana’ issue of HELLO!, or something similar. Facing the audience is a big enough picture of the princess to register loud and clear. He turns a page and sighs.

BRENDAN. Totally tragic… And jist when she’d finally got her hair lukkin haulfwey decent as well…

BARBS comes from the kitchen, hands him a glass of red wine.

BARBS. So what did you think of her?

BRENDAN. – Who? Davie’s Colette? She seemed nice enough, aye!

BARBS sweeps back into the kitchen.

I thought to myself, well, Teenie-fae-Troon, you’re no feart, putting yourself into my hands, swanning in here to Razor City without an appointment. I thought, see if Barbs had any agenda, or see if she was afflicted with a vindictive nature, she’d give you Tash and a month of bad-herr days…

All I done actually, boss, was to do a deep conditioning and just take the very ends off because she’s growing out a Rachel…

Bonny-lookin lassie… Pleasant to talk to… A bit kinna… Kilmalcolm.

The question is: what does she see in Davie?

I mean, yous vanilla breeders, eh? Whit like urr ye? A closed book tae me…

Smells great. Spicy, eh? Cammy will be pleased. More Tastier Snax Later… Marinade me…

Want any help?

BARBS calls from kitchen.

BARBS. Nope!

BRENDAN. Okay, I’ll put oan some music. If I can find anything. Your taste is in your arse, no your ears!

He begins to look through a pile of old vinyl, holding up a vintage Sinatra, a Nat King Cole, not fancying any of it. He continues calling out to her offstage –

Anyway what I really wanted to tell you – and I have talked it over with Cammy, because, obviously, he’s my partner, right? It affects him if I decide to take on a parenting role…

Well, I’ve not said anything up till now, well, obviously I’ve thought a lot about it ever since your birthday, ever since that night you asked us –

And yes… well, when it came down to it… Ach, Barbsie, I don’t want you to think I was one of those Big-Void-In-My-Life Queens with the strong maternal instinct girning on about their secret sadness. Because I don’t honestly think I was.

BARBS enters, her eyes like saucers. Stands there.

But I thought to myself: yes I would like to have a baby.

Correction, I’d like to have Barbs’s baby. If – and only if – I can have a continuing… presence… in that baby’s life. A connection. Commitment. Of some sort.

So Cammy’s attitude was: it’s up to me.

Well I know I’ve been a while getting back to you on this one, but obviously I had to have an AIDS test – oh, I can see it on your face, you never thought of that, did you, Barbs, you never thought it through, you just came out with it and asked me, the question expecting the answer No… I had to have the Test. And Cammy had to have the Test.

It is a thought to do it.

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