Out Of Reach by Robert Enright

Author:Robert Enright [Enright, Robert]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-01-19T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Sam pulled the cord as he stepped into the bathroom and waited for the dim light to flicker alive. It was a small cupboard of a room, with a toilet and sink squashed against one wall and just enough space to squeeze past to the shower cubicle.

To call it an actual room would have been generous.

As the cheap bulb brought the beige tiles to life, Sam put his hands on either side of the sink and dipped his head. For the past four months, he had been sleeping better than he had in years. For too long, most nights were disturbed by recurring horrific dreams, where the many people he had lost along the way would visit him.

Whether it was the ones he had loved and lost, or the ones he had sent to the afterlife himself.

The ghosts of his past would visit him, reminding him the pain and tragedy he had suffered, and usually holding him to account for the same curse he had put on those he had killed. It never mattered that the people he killed were criminals.

Eventually, every life he took became a burden he would have to carry, and while he was steadfast in his belief that he was just fighting back, it was clear that doubt was lurking in his subconscious. For a long time, he had wondered if he had gone too far, losing himself in the legend he had built and was actually enjoying squeezing the trigger.

It wasn’t the case, and he had managed to accept that.

Just as he had finally accepted the death of his son, Sam knew he couldn’t let the doubt and the broken past hold him down and steer him off the course.

The nights had been easier since, and although he rarely dreamed, he hadn’t awoken in a cold sweat in months.

Not since he finally said goodbye to his son.

And not since he had met Mel.

But that night, he awoke after just a few hours, grunted with fear as he startled awake and realising that his sheets were soaked with sweat. It was December in Glasgow, yet he was a dripping mess, and he couldn’t recall which pale, sunken face was speaking to him, but he was certain it was one that he had cared for.

Had loved.

Sam peeled his T-shirt from his muscular, scarred body and blew out his cheeks. It was a little after five in the morning and he knew there was no chance of going back to sleep, so he decided to take a shower. Unlike the power shower that he and Mel had shared countless times, the water trickled out of the head with a depressing lack of effort, and the lukewarm water was barely enough to wake him. After a few minutes of uncomfortable washing, Sam stepped out and got dressed.

His movements were sluggish, and he knew it wasn’t due to the sleep.

It was saying goodbye to Mel.

It was knowing that the path he had chosen meant that he wasn’t afforded the luxury of the love of a good woman, or the opportunity to see where something could go.

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