Heart of Defiance by Ryan Kirk

Author:Ryan Kirk [Kirk, Ryan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Fantasy
Publisher: Waterstone Media
Published: 2019-06-25T22:00:00+00:00

21

The clearing above the village had become something of a second home for Bai over the past few days. Spring faded into summer, and the cool mountain air and soft scents of blooming wildflowers calmed her racing mind. When she trained with Lei, she found some small measure of peace.

Lei seemed to understand, giving her all the time and training she asked for without question. He willingly woke early in the morning and trained with her late into the afternoon. Left to herself, Bai would have trained until the sun fell and only the moon illuminated the clearing, but Lei always left in time for supper with Daiyu. Even his kindness had limits.

She hadn’t announced her decision yet, but she planned to leave his village soon. As soon as she was certain she could contain her power, she would slip off into the night. She would find some small village, far away, and try to find work. In time, she was confident she could make her way in the world. Lei’s training had given her that much, at least.

Lei wanted more for her. She could see it in every action he took. He didn’t foresee any specific future for her, but he wanted her to make use of her strength.

He didn’t see that she couldn’t. While he had found a way to move past the mistakes of his past, he didn’t understand there was no moving past what she had done. No matter how many times he told her it wasn’t her fault, that there was no way she could have controlled her first reaction to the gift, his words rang hollow. The fact remained that if she hadn’t been there, Galan’s market square would still be standing.

Her mother would still be alive.

She had made a truce, of sorts, with her sorrow. So long as she kept herself busy, she could almost feel like a normal person. But as soon as she rested it returned, like a boulder tied to her throat, pulling her deeper into despair.

A couple of times a day her thoughts turned to ending her own life. If she really wanted to control her power, the solution was in her hands. Yet she could never do it.

She had thought a lot about her inability to end her life, forcing herself to confront truths she’d rather not.

At first, she told herself that she believed what Lei had told her outside of Galan, that she still had something to live for. She could find purpose and move on with her life the way he had with his. She wanted to believe him, desperately. She held onto his words as though she was dangling from the side of a cliff and they were the ledge supporting her weight. But she knew, deep in her heart, she was lying to herself.

There was only one reason she hadn’t killed herself yet.

She was a coward.

The thought of dying terrified her. Even though it would solve all of her problems, when she looked at the dagger Daiyu had given her, that terror stilled her hand.

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