Gut Feeling by Rachelle Danielle

Author:Rachelle Danielle [Rachelle Danielle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: -
Publisher: BookBaby
Published: 2016-09-07T00:00:00+00:00

As with any bad habit, this one was going to be hard to break. I just knew the moment I left the dance studio; I was done coloring outside the lines. I was done jumping out of airplanes without a parachute. I was done going against my gut. I was done. It was time for me to climb back in my box and go back to being the good girl I’d prided myself on being. I just knew I was strong enough to make the right decision after repeatedly making the wrong ones. It was fun until it wasn’t and now I had some serious soul searching to do. I had to dig deep down inside to find out why I allowed myself to get too involved with a married man. I had to figure out why I no longer felt as guilty as I once did when I woke up next to him. Had I grown comfortable with my sin? Did I now think that it was acceptable to be a willing participant in something that could hurt so many? This was not the woman I wanted to be. I knew God had more for me and I would never reach my full potential in life or in Christ if I continued to downplay my worth and accept being just another girl he cheated with. I promised myself I would immerse myself in dance, I would become so busy that I wouldn’t have time to entertain the serpent in my garden.

I signed up for as many dance classes as my schedule would allow. I went to work and to the studio. I was so tired when I got home that I didn’t have the energy to walk my dog, let alone entertain Dee. He and I talked periodically, but it had been two months since we’d had sex and I started to feel as though the soul ties were finally being broken. I was no longer ashamed to worship in church. I no longer felt like the world would know my darkest secret. I felt forgiven and free to receive the blessings that were coming my way. I no longer ran away when asked to dance at church. I no longer flinched when a mother told me I was positive role model for her daughter. I no longer felt like there was a scarlet letter on my chest. My sin was great, but my God was greater. I was ready to close and deadbolt the window.

“He’s going to invite you somewhere this weekend, don’t say no, just go and make it the best time you’ve ever spent with him,” Al stated as soon as I answered the phone. I laughed it off because he’d previously said the same thing and the invitation never came. I assured him that he didn’t have to prep me for the phone call that wasn’t coming. “It’s over Al,” I replied. “He’s clearly moved on to the next and I’m focusing on other things,” my voice cracked.

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