Getting Clean With Stevie Green by Swan Huntley
Author:Swan Huntley
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Gallery Books
Published: 2022-01-25T00:00:00+00:00
CHAPTER 21 stevie
Let me tell you why Chris Dane wanted to ruin me in high school.
But first let me tell you that, technically, I did win the election, and by a landslide. High school students werenât going to take me down for doing coke. They were doing coke, too, and most of the ones who werenât wanted to try it. In retrospect, maybe it was also the people who wanted to make out with their best friends who voted for me, and my advice about that would have been: sure, do it, but first make sure your best friend isnât going to stab you in the back.
What I wanted to say to everyone who saw the flyer: We were experimenting!
Was it true? I honestly didnât know. Chris and I made out all the time, but only when we were wasted, so it was hard to know if it counted or not. It was hard to know how I felt about it. It was hard to know what I wanted.
Chris knew what she wanted. She wanted to hold my hand at the movies sometimes, and that was not okay. Unless I was drunk, I wasnât interested. I liked to think of us as best friends who made out kind of accidentally. It was an accident that kept happening, yes, but we didnât need to plan our futures around it. We were young and stupid. It was a phase, it didnât mean anything, I barely remembered it most of the time.
In the weeks leading up to the election, Chris had started to want more from me, and my reaction was to give her less. âWhat if we didnât drink tonight?â she asked, her big eyes wanting to take up more space, wanting to swallow me whole. âWe could do, like, a healthy spa night? And eat salads and rub each otherâs feet?â
I wanted to kill her. We had a code, and she was breaking it. Weâd never talked about any code, but I assumed we both understood its terms and conditions in the same way. I said hell no to spa night. Although what I really said was, âI have to study.â So there was a lot we werenât saying.
Eating lunch together became fraught. Normally, it was fun to gather with our friends on the quad to exchange gossip and complain about teachers while having this tension, this other life that nobody knew about, this secret. To everyone else, we were best friends, inseparable, sort of glamorous, high-achieving. And I wanted to keep it that way.
The one pact we had discussed was that we would not tell anyone that we were doing drugs. I remember saying, âNot even weed. If weâre at a party, Iâm saying no.â Chris thought I was being overly cautious, but she went along with it.
At parties, weâd drink a few light beers. Then weâd go back to Chrisâs house because her parents were always in Greece and weâd attack their liquor cabinet. Weâd take three shots of vodka in a row.
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