Deny Me by Evelyn Glass

Author:Evelyn Glass
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pronoun

CHAPTER 8

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I’VE HEARD THE EXPRESSION BEFORE of “not sleeping a wink.” But I think that night was the first time I actually experienced it. My eyes remained wide open all night, my brain too busy to let my body sleep. Ryan’s offer keeps circulating around and around in my head. The very thought of it makes my skin crawl, but at the same time, it’s the only option I have that keeps Jake out of the Angels. The same happens the night after, and the night after that. There are only a couple of days left until the month’s truce is up, the Feds haven’t shown again, and I am out of other ideas.

It is clear that the Feds are going to take an indeterminate amount of time to get together what they need to charge the Angels. I wish that I could have Jake’s certainty, but I don’t feel like we can rely on them. We’ve never been able to rely on the law in this town, so what makes the Feds any different? Nothing but a badge.

I know that if I do this then I’m jeopardizing everything that I have with Jake. I don’t know if he would ever forgive me for sleeping with Ryan, even if I did it for him. But he would be safe, I tell myself. Even if he wasn’t with you, he would still be safe. Maybe he would even get out of town, start a new life for himself somewhere, away from the Angels and everything else. The thought of not being with Jake feels like a punch to the gut. But the idea of anything happening to him or the Angels making him do the awful things that patches do during their initiation is even worse. I know Jake well enough to understand that if they made him hurt anyone, he would never forgive himself. Even if he knew he doesn’t have a choice. I can’t let that happen. Not when I have the power to stop him. Power—that’s what Crystal had called it. The power of being a woman. Right now it didn’t feel much like power. More like helplessness.

It’s my day off at the diner, but I lie to Jake, telling him that I have to go to work. That’s another lie between us. They keep mounting up.

“You haven’t had a break in a while,” Jake notes, sounding concerned as he passes me my coffee just the way I like it.

“I know, I’m just covering for Crystal,” I sigh. “I owe her one.” I hate myself for being able to lie so easily. “I’m pulling a double, so I’ll probably be home a little late,” I tell him, avoiding his eyes.

“Hold on a sec,” he says as I start to get my things ready to leave. I turn around slowly, waiting for him to call me out for lying. “Don’t I get a goodbye kiss this morning?” he asks, frowning at me.

“Sure,” I sigh, in part relieved but in part wishing that he had seen the lie in my eyes just to lift the burden on my shoulders.

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