Choosing Hope by Holly Kammier

Choosing Hope by Holly Kammier

Author:Holly Kammier
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Acorn Publishing
Published: 2017-08-17T00:00:00+00:00


CHAPTER 21

...

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2016

Morning

SUNDAY MORNING BROUGHT on a heat wave, mirroring my own internal storm. Santa Ana winds, formally referred to as Santana winds, or Satan’s winds, had blown in from the east overnight. Temperatures were predicted to rise to the high nineties.

Outside the living room windows, palm trees stood naked, stripped of their fronds. Power lines must have been knocked out. Mom’s clocks were blinking and the ceiling fans no longer spun. Sensitive to the change in air pressure and the myriad of allergens blown in with the hot desert winds, the boys and I would suffer wicked sinus headaches by the end of the day.

I quietly dragged our overnight bags to the front door and planned what I would prepare Michael and Zach for breakfast before I woke them. It was going to be a long drive. At least we would have air conditioning.

I heard Mom clomp down the stairs and drag herself into her office. I peeked inside to check on her. Mom’s face looked red and tight.

“Mama, let me pull out the chair for you.”

“I’ve got it.”

“You look stressed. Why are you up so early?”

“I just got off the phone with Jonas.”

My stepbrother wasn’t one for calling home, not at seven-thirty in the morning.

“You should sit down.” Mom motioned her head toward her chair at the desk.

“No,” I said, feeling my throat tighten.

“I have some bad news.”

“No,” I said again. “Don’t tell me.” Whatever it was, I didn’t want to hear it. I’d had enough bad news. Nothing else was allowed to go wrong.

“Your father passed away last night.”

Tears stung my eyes. My lips quivered in rebellion. “No, he didn’t.”

“Jonas’ fire station was called to the scene. He’s there with your dad now. He died in his sleep, honey. Jonas said he looked peaceful. Usually they don’t look like that.”

“No!” I shook my head violently, feeling my heart crash against my chest. Why was she lying to me? My dad was fine. Mom was the one who was fragile from her stroke. She was the one I needed to worry about.

Mom reached out to hug me as I dropped to the ground and curled into a fetal position, tears fighting against my closed lids. “Jonas is wrong.”

After a lifetime of chronic anxiety, my body knew exactly how to shut down. The world went black. I couldn’t think. Each broken heartbeat deepened the pain in my chest.

My dad had come close to death so many times. For years, I dreaded every early or late-night phone call. I’d been prepared.

But then I let my guard down. He’d been doing so much better. He had a girlfriend. He led the homeowner’s association at his assisted living home. I had just spoken with him yesterday and cancelled our plans for his birthday. I asked Mom to call Jonas back and make sure she had the correct information.

Dad and I had a complicated relationship. Previous therapists labeled it troubling, and in my younger years,

extremely dysfunctional.

Dad taught me how to grow marijuana in our suburban garage in Atlanta, Georgia when I was five.



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