Blackout Songs (NHB Modern Plays) by Joe White

Author:Joe White [White, Joe]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781788506335
Publisher: Nick Hern Books

In the dark, he thrashes, reeling in pain.

He is painting – creating something horrific.

They stare at each other for ages. It’s almost like a staring contest. Who’ll smile first. Years.

HIM. I don’t think we’ve been introduced.

HER. I’ll have a wine, thank you.

HIM. Oh, uh –

HER. Red wine, and be quick about it, thank you –

HIM. Oh, no, uh – This is awkward – I’m actually – I’m actually the artist. I’m the painter. Of these.

HER. No, you’re not.

HIM. I am, yeah.

HER. I thought you were a waiter. You look like a waiter.

HIM. Yeah, no.

HER. You painted these? You?

HIM. Yeah, yeah. These ones, here, these two walls… The others are… someone else…

HER. Well well…

Beat.

HIM. Are you a collector, or…

HER. Oh yes, I collect, yes, I have a vast collection. My manor’s full of them.

HIM. Your manor?

HER. Yes. Oh, how rude of me, I apologise… I’m Lady… Lady Fanny… Something funny?

HIM. Lady-fanny?

HER. Enchanté.

HIM. How did you hear about the showing?

HER. Oh, I saw your face in a magazine. Art magazine, and I thought, I know that face. Which isn’t always a given, but I did, I knew it, and I got so giddy all of a sudden, I was just so incredibly. Proud. My chest hurt, looking at that photo.

Beat.

HIM. You’ve been off the map for a while.

HER. Yes, yes, right off it. Fell right off the face of the earth for a bit there.

HIM. People were worried about you. Thought you might have died, even.

HER. How dare they. I descend from a long line of survivors. If they knew me at all, they’d know that.

HIM. Well, they looked for you. All over. All your haunts. Your flat.

HER. Ah yes, the old estate. Terribly sad business, but the offer was just too good. Moved to the manor, yes. South, if you’d believe it. South of the river. Overrun with foxes. More foxes than people.

HIM. South.

HER. Very far south, yes. I hardly ever ventured north again. For fear of… old ghosts…

HIM. Well. I wish you’d told people. Could have saved a few years of worry.

HER. Not years.

HIM. No. Years.

Beat.

HER. Yes, well, I couldn’t communicate with the outside world you see, not for a long while. I was struck down with a rare affliction – exotic actually, almost entirely unheard of. I’d taken to river swimming, you see. Every morning I’d hop in the river and swim for hours at a time – upstream, downstream… but I was noticing I was gaining weight. It was the strangest thing: the more I swam, the heavier I became, I was getting bigger and bigger. Turns out I hadn’t been closing my mouth. I’d been taking in all that river water for months and months and months, and so there I was, with this giant belly, pregnant with a whole river, until eventually I sprung a leak, out of my bum, and someone had to plug me up with corks. Roll me into the hospital – a giant wobbly ball of a woman. They drained me. It took months and months, a year, maybe I don’t know, but it was awful.

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