A Revolver to Carry at Night by Monika Zgustova

Author:Monika Zgustova [Zgustova, Monika]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Other Press
Published: 2024-04-09T00:00:00+00:00

I am always so anxious to talk to you. I don’t have much time, but I can’t stop writing you even if it’s just a few words. I am more and more aware that I can’t share you with anyone, but would you give everything up for me? I’m overcome by panic and desperation. I love you so much….

She responded with verses from the poet Julie de Lespinasse:

Je vous écris et je déchire mes lettres.

Je relies les vôtres—elles me paressent toujours trop courtes.

Vladimir could not help noticing a couple of mistakes that she had committed when she copied these French verses. But what would bother him in other people just made Irina seem closer. It made her seem human and even more desirable.

For a few months now he had been full of doubt and close to madness. He had just endured forty-eight hours of hell with his family. In spite of his desperate situation, he felt a little relieved: Everything was out in the open now.

Yes, he felt relieved, but only somewhat. He still didn’t know what he would wind up doing, and he was hoping that he would not have to give up Irina. At the end of those forty-eight hours, during which neither he nor Véra really slept or ate until they were almost prostrate with exhaustion, Véra announced: “I’ll give you a month to think it over. If you decide to go, please do it quickly. But if you are still living with us, your family, at the end of that time, I will understand it as a promise that you are going to stay. After that, you won’t have the right to leave.”

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