You Are What You Click by Brian A. Primack

Author:Brian A. Primack [Primack, Brian A.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781797203669
Publisher: Chronicle Books LLC
Published: 2021-08-05T05:32:58+00:00

22

The Double-Edged Sword of Agreeableness

The next “big five” personality trait to consider is “agreeableness.” How did you score? Do you tend to be more trusting, forgiving, and straightforward, or more tough and suspicious of others?

There’s no “right” way to be. For example, people on both sides of the agreeableness spectrum have the potential to be great leaders—they’re just different kinds of leaders. People who are agreeable tend to be more “transformational” leaders, while people who score lower on agreeableness tend to be more “transactional” leaders. Transformational leaders work with teams to create shared visions and strategies, while transactional leaders focus more on organization, rules, and performance-based measures. Both kinds of leadership are important, and either one can lead to success. Often a combination is valuable.

When studying this personality trait with my team, we discovered that those who are more agreeable were less likely to feel lonely in general. After all, being agreeable means that you are more likely to be positive and forgiving. This may make you less prone to engender conflict in your relationships.

When we studied how people with this personality trait reacted to social media, we expected those with high agreeableness to also be less susceptible to the negative effects of using a lot of social media—like we saw with conscientiousness.

Interestingly, that wasn’t the case. We found that more social media use translated into more of a feeling of loneliness—regardless of someone’s level of agreeableness.

One reason for this might be that agreeableness can be a double-edged sword. People with high agreeableness are often better at letting more roll off their backs. On the other hand, these people also may be more likely to get overlooked or marginalized on social media. Their tendency to agree might end up making them feel less central to the discussion, which can make them feel lonely.

What about someone with low agreeableness? Because they are tough-minded and determined, they might be less sensitive to difficult things that happen to them on social media. Let’s say this type of person streams a live Instagram video of themselves performing, on an old acoustic guitar, the arpeggiated opening of Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven.” Not getting likes or comments on this might crush some people, but a person with low agreeableness might shrug it off.

On the other hand, people with low agreeableness, or who aren’t afraid to have a different opinion, can come off as brash and argumentative. This can lead to being unfriended, ostracized, and ultimately more isolated.

How might your agreeableness score affect your social media use? Either way, it might seem like you’re fighting an uphill battle: too nice and you’re a pushover, too disagreeable and you’re pushy. The solution comes back to recognizing the benefits and drawbacks of each tendency. Then you can bolster the benefits and be cautious about the drawbacks.

If you tend to be more agreeable, take advantage of that by supporting others on social media; go with your natural desire to be helpful. But also remember that your kindness and optimism might not always be reflected back to you.

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