Why Didn't I Notice Her Before?: A Memoir About Dying to Live by Beth Cramer

Author:Beth Cramer [Cramer, Beth]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Medical, Oncology, General
ISBN: 9781733375207
Google: FW5MyAEACAAJ
Amazon: B07VDMLMSD
Goodreads: 52402025
Publisher: Beth Cramer
Published: 2019-08-01T07:00:00+00:00

22

TEN REASONS

My therapist suggests I see someone new. She isn’t firing me, she merely feels traditional psychotherapy is not working. Joy, the new therapist, is an energy healer. Hoping she is a wizard who will transform me without my participation sounds good to me. After I fascinate her with my story of obsession and therefore acceptance of imminent death as a solution, Joy has me lay face up on a massage table so she can dig deep into my tortured soul. Before Joy begins I ask, "Do I have to believe in this for it to work?"

She tells me to shut my eyes. Her voice comes through in a melodic whisper: "Imagine a big puffy cumulus cloud above you the length of the table. Put each of your thoughts into the cloud, all your negative energies into it, and let the cloud carry them away." I panic. What if the clouds move on before I put everything in it? She must have read my mind, because along comes a small cloud just in case I find more to discard. It feels like trash pickup day and I do not want to be left with rotting garbage in my closet.

Joy begins to ramble in a language that sounds like something between Hebrew and pig Latin. I peek. Her eyes are closed. Joy welcomes my spirit guides. Mary, Gabriel, Peter. They are all so, so Christian, I think. I expected a Jewish lot, like Abraham, Anne Frank, maybe Elie Wiesel. With no knowledge or connection to Mother Mary, I am skeptical, but this is Joy’s show and I can’t change the characters mid performance. So, believing she and the spirit guides will work it out, I fall asleep.

After Joy releases me from my trance, she looks at me with what I take to be trepidation. "You have been out of your body for a very long time. I got you grounded for the moment." Then come the words no patient wants to hear from their therapist. "I have to tell you, I’ve never had a patient with so much blockage. You have to start speaking up for yourself."

"I don’t have a lot to say; that doesn’t mean I haven’t been speaking up for myself," I say in defense.

"You have a lot of work to do in a short amount of time." We schedule our next session for the following week.

As I collect my coat she gives me an assignment. "I want you to write down ten reasons for living and bring it to our next session." I sit there, dumb. One of my spirit guides Mary, Gabriel, or Peter must have blabbed. This assignment is pointed. It is not going to be easy and she knows it.

Soon after being told of my cancer (I call this the honeymoon period), my vision was perfect, the clearest it had been since I was six. Walking my dog down Pine Road a tree caught my eye. I have passed that tree a hundred times, but this day it transformed into a splendid fairy tale tree.

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