To the Very Last Inch by Heidi Belleau

Author:Heidi Belleau [Gormley, Heidi Belleau;Amelia C.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Riptide Publishing
Published: 2014-02-11T00:00:00+00:00

Present Day

James woke up alone in a strange bed, the smell of pot smoke hot and rank in his nostrils. For a second, he was back in his dealer’s apartment, his whole body consumed by the chills of withdrawal, his knee aching from kneeling on the floor for a blowjob or the mattress for a fuck—nobody did it face-to-face with a junkie—but reality slowly settled into place and he recognized Satish’s bedroom. He groped for his phone and stared at the screen in amazement. It was late afternoon. Holy fuck, he’d slept all night and nearly the whole damn day?

He needed to get home. The scent of Satish’s roommates’ weed was messing with his mind, flashing him back to stuff he would rather forget. Scribbling a quick note to Satish and leaving it on the pillow—Had to go, call me when you’re done with work—he dressed and stepped into the clean air outside. It was hot and muggy, but it was better than what was in there. If things with him and Satish got any more serious—which was looking like a definite possibility, especially now that Carson was out of the picture—they would have to discuss the option of either moving in together or Satish finding new roommates. Until then, Satish would have to spend the nights they were together at James’s place. It sucked, and he wished he could be more normal about it, but he trusted Satish to understand and do his best.

He trusted Satish.

Trust. It was a lovely feeling, and a novel one. Was Carson right? Had James always mistrusted him? Had he truly accused Carson of things he’d never done, assumed things about him that weren’t true? After Carson had trampled all over James’s feelings by beginning to hook him up with other guys, had he ever given Carson the benefit of the doubt on anything that didn’t involve pain or sex?

Fuck that. Carson didn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. He was the one who’d betrayed James, not the other way around.

But it was harder to maintain his anger now than it had been the night before. Each time he tried, he kept remembering that slump of Carson’s normally straight shoulders.

What if Satish was right? What if Carson had been trying to—what? Fix him up on dates? Find him a boyfriend? Why? Why would he do that when Carson had been everything he’d needed? It didn’t make any sense. Unless . . .

Had he been trying to make James not fall for him? Pushing him away? Jesus, that thought was almost worse. He’d be happier believing Carson had some voyeuristic kink about James with other guys than thinking Carson had knowingly and deliberately rejected his feelings.

Would it have been so hard to just love him back?

How could you assume I meant to demean them, when I offered them my greatest treasure?

He nearly rear-ended the car in front of him when he missed the light turning red. That rare, unguarded moment had happened just a few days ago.

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