Then There Was Her by Sophie Cachia

Author:Sophie Cachia
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster Australia
Published: 2022-05-04T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 14

Back in late 2018 – before Jaryd and I had officially separated – I happened to join a women’s footy team. I’d had my first sexual encounter with a female, and I was definitely becoming aware of my increasing attraction to a wide variety of women, but I didn’t consider myself ‘gay’. I was still just exploring, as far as I was concerned, and I was very naive to that world. I hadn’t really known any gay women growing up, apart from that one friend’s mum, who had a female partner. But in terms of my own social circles, my upbringing, my life, pretty much everyone was straight, and it quickly became apparent how sheltered my life had been in this regard.

I can recall being so shocked when I was told that 22 out of the 24 girls on my new footy team were gay. ‘But they don’t look gay,’ I remember thinking. Obviously, I look back with both humour and frustration at how naive Sophie could make such a statement. I’d surrounded myself with these sporty, football people (previously, I would have said women, but now I know them collectively as humans, as there were some non-gendered players), who are now some of my best friends, and they were just the most welcoming humans I’d ever come across in my life. They showed me an unconditional acceptance and a genuine warmth and openness that no-one ever had before.

Now, it’s not like I started playing footy and suddenly ‘turned into’ a lesbian, but I do think it probably contributed to my awakening because, for the first time in my life, I was put into an environment where I was actually around gay people. Spending time with them opened my eyes to new ideas, new outlooks on life, and it helped broaden my understanding of the world; to learn how sexuality can be so incredibly fluid and how, in this environment, no one felt the need to put labels on each other.

There were teammates who were studying at uni and worked at Sportsgirl on the weekend, sure, but then there was someone who owned her own landscaping company and she’d show up to training in her big chunky work boots. There was one person who worked in the mines, a single mum of four kids, and one with half of their head shaved who rode their Harley to the oval.

Playing local footy really did bless me with the honour of meeting such interesting, unique characters – ones who I’d never have been lucky enough to meet if I never played that sport. I was associating with, socialising with, playing with and now friendly with humans I’d been so sheltered from my entire life.

I was even more inspired not to stay in the lane I’d been told to keep to my entire life – that I could step further outside the social rules that I grew up with and continue to forge a new path. I felt respected for my life choices and I felt safe to be myself, authentically and unapologetically.

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