The Surprising Purpose of Anger (Nonviolent Communication Guides) by Marshal B. Rosenberg

Author:Marshal B. Rosenberg [Marshal B. Rosenberg]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: PuddleDancer Press
Published: 2005-04-02T00:00:00+00:00

Example of One Woman’s Anger

Woman #2: The situation I faced is one where I was in a conversation with someone and a third person joined the conversation and started addressing the other person without me. And he made a comment to the effect that they preferred people in their community to be white.

MBR: Yes.

Woman #2: So, I felt angry because I wasn’t getting my need met to continue to enjoy the conversation I was having.

MBR: Now, hold on, I doubt that, I doubt that that’s why you got angry. See, I don’t think we get angry because our needs aren’t getting met. I’ll bet you got angry because you had some thoughts about that other person at that moment. So, I’d like you to be conscious right now about what were you telling yourself that made you so angry about that person. So, here’s a person that says I’d rather have only white people here and they address somebody else rather than you and you felt angry because why? Because you told yourself what?

Woman #2: Well, I told myself, What’s this person doing, taking over the conversation that I was already having?

MBR: Think behind the question, ‘What is this person doing?’ What do you think of a person for doing that?

Woman #2: What do I think of him?

MBR: Yeah.

Woman #2: Well, it’s not a good thought.

MBR: But I think it’s in there. I’m not trying to make you have certain thoughts. I’m just wanting to make you conscious of what I predict is in there. It’s probably going on so fast.

Woman #2: No, right away I was feeling left out.

MBR: Well, that’s coming closer. So, you interpreted him as leaving you out. See, notice how the image left out is not a feeling.

Woman #2: I see.

MBR: It’s an interpretation. It’s like abandoned, “I’m feeling abandoned.” “I’m feeling unnoticed.” So, it’s really more an image; you have this image of being left out. And what else was going on there?

Woman #2: I think it was more than an image because they were making eye contact and talking to the other person, and in that exchange they were not talking to me.

MBR: But, I think there are twenty different ways we could look at that, of which leaving you out is only one. There are many other possible ways of interpreting that. And I’m saying each one is going to have a big impact of how you feel. So, let’s slow down again. What other thoughts were going on in you that made you angry at that moment?

Woman #2: Well, I had thoughts associated with when somebody uses the word white.

MBR: Yeah, I think we’re getting closer now. So, what is your image when somebody uses the word white in that way? Especially when they don’t look at you and they look at the others?

Woman #2: What I told myself is when they say white they don’t mean me.

MBR: So, they’re kind of excluding you.

Woman #2: And, in fact, their behavior and body language and everything is also giving me that message.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.