The Proteus Paradox by Nick Yee

Author:Nick Yee
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Yale University Press
Published: 2014-09-20T04:00:00+00:00

Making the Impossible Possible

Now that we’ve seen how these online relationships typically unfold and some of their unique features, let’s finally turn to why 60 percent of the gamers in the survey didn’t think their relationships would have worked out had they first met their partner offline. Two specific reasons were mentioned repeatedly.

As I read through their stories, it surprised me how often the gamers, without any prompting from the questions, described either themselves or their partners as being shy.

My now-husband was very shy, but obviously a very sweet guy. [World of Warcraft, female, 30]

I find myself to be a very shy and introverted person in real life. . . . Due to my social personality, most women had overlooked me as shy, not confident or any of my other redeeming qualities. [World of Warcraft, male, 25]

About 25 percent of participants mentioned shyness somewhere in their story. And a good handful of them pointed at shyness (in themselves or their partners) as the specific reason why the relationship wouldn’t have happened in a face-to-face situation.

Since we are both shy, we probably would not have talked in real life. . . . Then again, I’ve always liked the cute shy ones, so who knows.;) [EverQuest II, female, 20]

He is shy and very reserved and I do think he would let the opportunity pass him by. It is sad to admit that, but it is the truth. [World of Warcraft, female, 29]

If I had met her in RL first neither of us would’ve stepped up to make the first move due to our shyness. [FlyFF, male, 38]

We are both shy and introverted people, so if we had met each other in real life first, we probably wouldn’t have been brave enough to reveal ourselves as honestly as we did online. [FlyFF, female, 21]

Chatting with someone online is very different from chatting with someone face-to-face. Of course, it’s very easy to point out all the things that are missing. You can’t see the other person’s facial expressions. You’re missing out on the tone of his or her voice. All you have is the text. But less isn’t necessarily worse. Studies have shown that people who are shy are more likely to develop close friendships and fall in love online. And the player narratives here push this one step further. The online environment didn’t only make it easier for these players to get to know someone. The online game allowed players to develop a genuine relationship with someone whom they felt would have been impossible to date in the physical world. Even if these players met face-to-face in the physical world, the relationship probably wouldn’t have happened. In the case of these players, less is actually more.8

Players often mentioned another reason why these relationships wouldn’t have happened face-to-face. When we see the elves and gnomes in an online game, it’s easy to portray online relationships as deceptive. How can you have a relationship with something that doesn’t exist in the real world? But we forget that people are superficial in the physical world, too, just in different ways.

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