The Full Body Yes by Scott Shute

Author:Scott Shute [Shute, Scott]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scott Shute
Published: 2021-05-11T00:00:00+00:00

Border Guards

“How long are you in the country?”

I’m passing through Irish immigration on my way to visit my team in the Dublin office. It’s five o’clock in the morning. I have been awake for twenty-six hours. The border guard has just started his shift. He looks at me, looks at my passport picture, and looks back at me with the eyes of someone who would rather be somewhere else.

He is on the verge of a very long sigh.

As an operations guy, I wonder what they call these discussions. Interactions? Tickets? Entrances? Checks?

I wonder how many of these interactions he has had. I’m bored, so I do the math. At one minute each for an eight-hour shift, that’s nearly five hundred per day. Two hundred and forty working days a year makes a hundred and twenty thousand(ish) per year. I wonder if he’s gotten to a million yet in his career. My instincts say yes. Maybe there’s a plaque on a wall somewhere in the back with his picture next to a “million checks” badge.

I don’t think so.

“Mr. Shut?” He’s staring at his screen.

“Oh, yep, it’s Shute, like ‘shoot.’” I smile and make a small pretend gun with my finger and thumb, which I waggle in the air, careful not to point at him. He looks up, winces nearly imperceptibly, stifles his very long sigh, and continues.

“Mr. Shute, how long are you in the country?” He returns his gaze back to his screen.

“Umm, let’s see, what day is today? Tuesday? I’m here through Friday.” It’s early. I’ve just gotten off a twelve-hour flight. I’m not so clear about time.

“Nature of your visit?”

“I’m here on business.” I’m thinking about making a really terrible dad joke about nature, wishing I was outdoors, but even at five in the morning I have the sense to keep it to myself. I see his stern face and don’t want to end up getting detained or body searched.

“And what kind of work do you do?” The next box on his form. I wonder which number I am for him. I’m guessing somewhere between 1.4 and 1.5 million.

“I lead customer service for LinkedIn.” I decide to play it straight.

“Lincoln?” Our accents are confusing for each other.

“It’s LinkedIn. Like to link, to connect.” I have more to say but am committing to efficiency.

“What do they do?” He looks into my eyes. I search his face for meaning. Is he testing me, deciding if I really work at LinkedIn? Has he genuinely never heard of LinkedIn? We have over six hundred million members. I guess he isn’t one of them.

I continue playing it straight.

“It’s a social networking site for professionals.”

He makes the “and?” look with his eyes. The rest of his face is stone. I continue, trying to find the right words in the shortest phrasing.

“We help people find jobs. We help them stay connected to their colleagues. We help people stay informed. We help make them better at their jobs.” I’m a bit proud of myself for remembering and articulating some of our core value propositions so cleanly at five in the morning.

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