The Flower from the Garbage by G. Edward Martin

Author:G. Edward Martin
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-6624-7738-6
Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc
Published: 2022-10-06T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 15

Shifting Worlds

Order and chaos—Part 2

Selling your soul does not look the way most people expect. Usually, there is no single moment and no red devil who offers you the chance to become a legendary musician. Most times, selling your soul is a slow negotiation. We sell our souls in small but regular increments, like the falling grains of sand through an hourglass.

You tell a white lie for self-preservation. You say whatever you need to say or do whatever you need to do, so you can win. You genuinely believe you deserve to win, so you justify cheating or taking shortcuts to secure your victory. You abandon the integrity of the method because you believe in the result. You have needs, discomfort, and longing, so you spend too much time thinking of yourself.

Your family lives in Kansas, but the hope of your dream lives is in Southern California. So you abandon your family to chase your dream. Or you abandon your dream, never making it to California, and you quietly resent your family for this hard choice.

You work overtime to put food on your family's dinner table, but in doing so, you become a stranger at your own table. Your children and spouse do not know you because they never see you.

Worldly success will ask you to sell your soul, but you are not powerless. Only you can find the balance to both preserve your soul and provide for those you love. Let reason and intuition be your two torches to navigate this dark place. Decide for yourself the right balance, or you will be lost.*

October 2019

Another month went by, and it was early October. I was back at work on what seemed like a typical Friday morning. In the last two weeks, my average daily sales had continued their slow decline. Somehow, I could not shake my conversation with Frank about honesty, integrity, and truth. I was tempted to take a pill so I could focus, but I knew I would be betraying myself. I avoided the men's bathroom because I knew that if tempted, I was vulnerable and might say yes.

My urge to avoid failure was getting the best of me, but I was not sure what to do. I did not have a desire to do drugs so I could feel high, but because I had the desire to perform and to win. An element of this desire came from my wanting to be a good leader for my team. Another side of this desire came from my pride—that I could not stand the decline in my performance or rank. Each day, I came to the office, and I worked hard. But each week, I had fewer and fewer results to show for it. This was hard to cope with.

Bill had told me months earlier that he would bring in one of our consultants to speak with the team, but they never came. Now, each day, I had a dull and subtle sense that I was selling myself out.

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