The Awesome, Almost 100% True Adventures of Matt & Craz by Alan Silberberg

Author:Alan Silberberg
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Aladdin

The first thing she did was close the door. Not a good sign.

“Rules exist for good reason,” she sternly began. “Would you agree, Lawrence?”

Craz knew they were doomed but thought he’d better play along. “Yes, Mrs. Bentz. I totally agree.”

“Good,” she said, and then turned her attention on Matt. “And why do rules exist, Matthew?”

Matt felt some sweat drip down from his armpit. He hadn’t thought he was nervous, but all of a sudden he was sure that he was. “Um . . . Well, for one thing, rules keep order separated from chaos.” He didn’t know if she’d accept his answer, and suddenly felt like he was on a game show. A game show he was going to lose.

Mrs. Bentz made the “tut-tut” noise that pinched her puckered face even more, signaling that she was not pleased with the answer. Both boys watched as she walked behind her desk and opened her file drawer. She reached inside and pulled out a piece of paper, then showed it to them. It was the “Cartoon Kings” original drawing. The one Craz just then realized he’d forgotten under the copier lid in the teachers’ lounge.

“I’m glad you take so much pride in your shenanigans that you sign your own work.” She tapped at their signa­tures with her sharp fingernail and paused long enough for Matt to feel more sweat dripping inside his shirt. He really needed a better deodorant.

“I found your handiwork in the teachers’ lounge copy machine on Friday. How many rules do you think you broke?”

Craz jumped at the answer. “Well, we’re not supposed to go into the teachers’ lounge, so that’s obviously one rule. And we kind of used the copy machine, so that’s two.” He should’ve quit talking right there but kept going. “But if you multiply that by Matt and me, I guess the correct answer’s gotta be . . . four.”

Mrs. Bentz sneered at Craz. “Do you think this is funny, Mr. Crazinski?”

Craz knew what to say, but the logical part of his brain was put into a choke hold by the wise-mouth part. “No, ma’am. What I think is funny is how you read us Treasure Island every day and don’t even try to add any sound effects or do different voices.”

Matt froze in his seat.

Craz put on a cockney accent. “Aye, I’m Jack ’awkins and I’m stuck on a bloomin’, bleedin’ borin’ boat with scallywags and ’oodlums, I am.”

Matt was breathing hard and kept his hands folded tight on the desktop. It was one of those moments when he wished his best friend wasn’t so weird, but that ship had sailed a long time ago.

Mrs. Bentz stood totally still. Her eyes became tiny and the red-raged anger rose from her neckline all the way up to her forehead. If Matt drew the cartoon of her, there’d be steam coming out from her ears.

“That’s it,” she said, slamming her file drawer shut. “Detention would just give you two the time to draw more of your insipid cartoons.

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