Swedish Cults by Anders Fager

Author:Anders Fager
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Valancourt Books
Published: 2022-06-02T00:00:00+00:00

HAPPY FOREVER ON ÖSTERMALM

Daniel and nadine struck it rich. And their life was filled with gay men. Suddenly they were everywhere. At least two of the antique dealers Daniel had begun working with were gay. Kooky old queens with nice things. They were like two little old ladies. In expensive suits, with smooth hands and floral-patterned silk on the back of their vests. Just the fact that they pranced around in vests was enough. Then they had to say ‘risqué’ and ‘faux pas’ on top of it. And talk like they were from the 1800s. Nadine couldn’t understand half of it. Daniel didn’t quite get it either, but he was a proper Swede and had a good poker face. Nadine saw through it though.

The broker in charge of the paperwork when they took over Kalim’s apartment was gay, too. Only fruitcakes and bodybuilders look in the mirror that often. And only queers call other men ‘dear’. Every. Time. The hairdresser on their new street was gay, and screamed it. And he loooooved Nadine’s hair. He really did talk that way. Like on TV. He even flapped his hands and everything. Nadine wondered how they started talking like that. Did a guy wake up one morning, go ‘daarling’ and think, ‘Well, guess I just might turn gay now?’

Anyway. Their new neighbor with the yappy little dog was gay too. ‘Von Etterlin’ it said on his front door. On an enameled sign. Von E wore a silk scarf with a checkered blazer. Östermalm chic. And he looked like he had botoxed his whole face and fallen asleep in a tanning bed. His dog had a rhinestone collar. Cecilia thought Nadine was joking when she told her. Rhinestone? Out in Hallunda, dogs have studs on their collars. Like punk rockers.

The interior decorators who came to fix up the apartment were suuuper gay. All three of them. Flaming, sizzling, smoldering gay. Move to Östermalm and take over a bunch of antique furniture, and you’ll need an army of flamboyant decorators to sort it all out. Anybody can understand that. And then there was Love, who helped Nadine shop at NK. Her ‘personal shopper’. Ridiculous but true. Love was nice, and too gay to last ten seconds in Hallunda. They’d kill him. Just to be on the safe side. Nadine knew. Her family was from Mace­donia. Where they kept homosexuals on a short leash.

But not on Östermalm, no way. Here they stand on the street corners sipping lattes all day long. When they aren’t cutting each other’s hair or trying to sell furs and antique chairs to the people walking by. And Nadine had, in fact, just bought a fur. From a little old gay man of the ‘vest with floral silk’ variety. Just because she could. And because Daniel told her to. After all, they could afford it and were head over heels in love. The fur was sable and cost an insane amount. It would have been all the rage in Macedonia. Fur was hot there.

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