Strap On Mittens [Mittens #6]: A story about toys, domestic chemistry, and a really long drill bit. by Baker Phoenix

Author:Baker, Phoenix [Baker, Phoenix]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-12-26T00:00:00+00:00

***

Nina: Christ Sam

Nina: That was MESSY.

Nina: Even for us.

Samantha: Good lord, yes it was.

Nina: What was your favorite bit?

Samantha: Honestly, I liked the bit where I was all romantic and hey make love to me missionary-style while kissing me and telling me you love me and stroking my hair and all that, and then all of five seconds later I was saying yeah, make love to me, but do it HARDER BITCH

Nina: MAKE LOVE MY FUCKING BRAINS OUT

Samantha: I'd ask you your favorite bit, but who are we kidding, I already know.

Nina: duh

Samantha: Next time on Mittens!

Nina: Ohhhhh

Samantha: What

Nina: You know what Sam?

Samantha: What?!

Nina: This is the last time we're gonna do the Next Time on Mittens bit. :(

Samantha: ...

Nina: ...

Samantha: ...yeah, you're right, the next story is Soaking Wet Mittens. And that's the last one.

Nina: This is bittersweet.

Samantha: I mean it's a great story though. And LONG.

Nina: Well I should hope so, we've been writing it for like three years.

Samantha: I just hope it doesn't disappoint.

Samantha: We get to the pee.

Samantha: We get to the mittens.

Nina: You know what Sam

Nina: Some people won't read it.

Nina: I haven't read The Shepherd's Crown yet, because it was the last book PTerry wrote, and I'm not emotionally ready for there to be no more.

Nina: I want there to always be a little bit left that I haven't read yet.

Nina: I'm not ready for the end.

Samantha: Are you seriously comparing us to _literal Actual Sir Terry Fucking Pratchett._

Nina: Haha yeah I see your point, people will devour it

Samantha: Last time, so let's make it a good one. Next time on Mittens!

Samantha: MITTENS!

Nina: finally ffs

Nina: CHINESE FOOD!

Samantha: Yum!

Samantha: PEE!

Nina: yum :)

Nina: tbh the pee tasted better

Nina: that restaurant was very bad

Nina: MOVING ADVICE!

Samantha: Basically there's a system of boxes that align with areas of your previous apartment.

Samantha: So instead of trying to remember what box you put the coffee maker in, whether you put it in with kitchen utensils or electronics things, you just remember where it was at the time, and go to the box marked "Kitchen, west wall"

Nina: sam

Samantha: HOUSEHOLD FINANCE DISCUSSIONS!

Nina: Oh haha yeah that's in there too

Nina: MORE PEE!

Samantha: Yeah once the floodgates open they OPEN open, you know

Samantha: See you all next time for the final story, Soaking Wet Mittens!

Nina: Don't forget to rate and review!

Samantha: We've been writing this series for so long that the whole obnoxious "Like and subscribe" thing _wasn't a thing_ when we started.

Nina: We've been going for a while, huh.

Samantha: And we, as independent writers, rely on your ratings, reviews and word-of-mouth.

Samantha: If you enjoyed this story, and this series, please take a minute or two to leave a review wherever you found it. You don't have to use your real name.

Nina: Also, hey Sam, did you know that, uh, _some rando called Phoenix Baker_ has started another book series?

Samantha: ...

Nina: ...?

Samantha: ...so we're doing this huh

Samantha: You want to pretend that Phoenix Baker is just some random author whose name happens to be attached to the book that the reader is reading right now.

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