Social Vampire by James Schannep

Author:James Schannep
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Novel
Publisher: James Schannep
Published: 2023-03-19T00:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 23

The Party (Part One)

People largely dress up as things they’re afraid of for Halloween, which is how you get vampires, werewolves, ghosts, etc. But what is a vampire afraid of? I couldn’t dress up as a bulb of garlic. Normal humans (that is to say, mortals) fashion themselves into something fantastic, but supposing you already are something fantastic, would the opposite hold true? As a vampire, should I dress up on Halloween as an average Joe? Wear flip-flops and a Hawaiian shirt? Or maybe go the other way with a business suit and briefcase? That’s kind of funny: Undead vampire pretends to work a dead-end job! You could call me a blood-sucking lawyer…eh, maybe not. Too dull.

I came downstairs dressed as Batman. The classic-era costume: form-fitting gray thermal tights with black boots. Black gloves and codpiece, yellow utility belt with a matching bat symbol on the chest. A cape and cowl I could pull on and off like a hood. Modern Batman costumes have built-in muscle padding, a stark contrast to my rail-thin physique in retro tights.

“You’re going to a Halloween party, pretending to be a vampire, who’s pretending to be Batman? At least my son has inherited my brilliant sense of humor. I love it.”

Things between Dad and me had smoothed out a bit over the last few days. Or, more accurately, we hadn’t brought it up again and were each doing our best to be civil.

“That makes me want to go up and change,” I said, giving my best gravelly voice.

“I thought you were more Adam West?”

“Who?” I said, normal voice returning.

“Really? Do you not even know your own mild-mannered alter ego?”

I guess he didn’t get the joke after all. Robert Pattinson was both Edward Cullen in Twilight and The Batman. Ergo…

Dad was dressed as one of the aliens of the type strewn about the front lawn, with an enormous, bulbous-head mask sat on the couch next to him. His Dad-bod physique helped the humor of his own outfit, as he was an alien with a slight beer belly. It occurred to me that we might be wearing the same gray tights.

“I want you to have fun, but I want you to be safe. You don’t have to keep up with those older kids just to impress them. Remember, YOLO.”

“Um, what?”

“You only live once—so be safe.”

“Dad, that’s not…”

“I’m serious. I’m not going to make you promise you won’t have a single drop to drink, but take it easy. If you feel like things are getting out of hand, you can always just leave. It’s always an option. And if you feel like you can’t, call home, but pretend you’re ordering pizza so the other kids won’t know. That’ll be the code, I’ll come get you and I’ll be the kill-joy so you don’t have to be.”

I nodded. He stood up, put on his alien head, and gave me a hug.

* * *

The Collins’ house was basically a mansion; probably six of the townhouses I lived in put together.

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