Rattlesnake Wind by Lilith Saintcrow

Author:Lilith Saintcrow [Saintcrow, Lilith]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Open Road Media

Chapter Sixteen

Awkward

Alex was just the same, cheerful and easy, and he drove me home after school with the windows up because it was finally too chilly to have them down. The sky was a bruise as storms raced hop-skipping across the plains, and it had begun to feel natural to scoot across the bench seat and buckle myself in the middle, sitting as close as I could while he drove. We bounced into the trailer park, and the wind, full of golden dust flashing under sunlight, sent tumblers rolling out of our way. “So Craig flicks another paperclip, and Marsellus just loses it. Ol’ Edmonton had to peel them apart, and haul them down to the office. But at least we didn’t get a quiz.”

Safely buckled in, bouncing on the seat, I touched the radio’s volume knob. “Why don’t they like each other?”

He slowed, braking gently. “Craig’s an asshole.”

“Oh.”

“He keeps calling Mars things. You know.” Alex’s mouth drew down. “Kind of like my dad. He doesn’t like, you know, black people.”

“Oh.” What could you say, to something like that? “My daddy didn’t either.”

“You miss him, don’t you.” Alex took the sharp right up my street.

How can you say no when someone asks you that question? You’re not supposed to feel … whatever it was I felt. Like the sneaking sense of gladness that Mama’s hair had come back, that nights were quiet now, that the static didn’t settle in the corners and there was no black cloud or shiny spot on the arm of a leather couch. No broken bottles, no broken skin, just a quiet I still couldn’t learn to trust completely. Maybe if it lasted another few years I could begin to think that there wouldn’t be any more yelling or sobbing or awful thundercracks of rage.

There also wouldn’t be the steady paychecks. He’s a good provider, Mama had always said, sometimes as if she wanted to convince herself. No sitting on Daddy’s lap while he watched Westerns. Pew-pew-pew! Shoot ’em on up! None of those times when he took us for ice cream, so cheerful and soft and gentle we could all think the worst was past and the nice Daddy would stay with us for a while.

Grief or relief? Grief or relief? Best just to shut up.

Alex nodded as if I’d spoken. “Yeah, Ray is always talking about your guys’ daddy. How good he was.”

What? My jaw threatened to drop, and to cover the confusion I stared unseeing out the window.

That was why I didn’t see the gleaming black car in our driveway at first, right next to Mama’s Chevy as if it had a right to be there. Alex pulled up to park beside it, and while my stomach clenched, it wasn’t the nausea and cramping I’d had before. “Wonder what he’s doing here.” Popping out of my mouth like bad candy, my teeth hurt for a moment. Like they wanted to sink into something.

“He seems sweet on your mama.” Alex stamped on the parking brake, cut the engine, and his hand brushed my knee.

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