Questions Kids Ask about Sex by J. Thomas Fitch

Author:J. Thomas Fitch
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2007-05-01T00:00:00+00:00

Discussions surrounding dating should also include appropriate boundaries, curfew, attire, group dating, and financial responsibilities. All dating relationships must address expectations regarding family time and what to do in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation.

7. Living together before marriage doesn’t promote a healthier marriage. Research shows that couples that live together first have a far greater chance of getting a divorce than those who don’t. Women who cohabitate are more likely to experience domestic violence than married women.1

8. Engage in healthy responses to conflict. Avoid “avoidance,” “defensiveness,” “invalidation,” and “intensification.” Fight fair: take a time-out to consider what you really need to express, and be respectful to your partner. Be quiet and listen—seek to understand, then to be understood. Use “I” statements. Negotiate and compromise. Reevaluate your solution at a later time.

9. Notice danger signs and end the relationship. Any form of abuse: physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual. Addictions. Untruthfulness in the relationship. Irresponsibility and immaturity. No physical/sexual attraction. Emotional baggage. Denial—you can’t admit that this relationship isn’t healthy for you.

10. Choose your dating and marriage partner wisely. If you date and then marry the wrong person, you’ll live with significant, negative, and lasting consequences of that decision for the rest of your life. Discern his or her character. Character is who you are when no one is looking. Look back at prior relationships to determine patterns of behavior. Crisis reveals someone’s true character. Give your relationship lots of time. Do you feel encouraged, affirmed, inspired, and challenged to grow and be a better person when you are with him or her?

In every case, it’s important to remind your child that you’ll always be available to help find a way out of a bad situation—even if it means picking him up anywhere, anytime.

Next, here are nine dating standards you—and your child—will find helpful for the healthiest early dating relationships:

1. Set your physical intimacy boundary before you go on the date.

2. Boys and girls are jointly responsible for setting and maintaining limits.

3. Verbally communicate your boundary to your partner.

4. You can stop at any step of intimacy—physical intimacy does not have to progress.

5. Have self-control.

6. Consider your manner of dress.

7. Stay sober.

8. Use nonverbal and verbal refusal skills if needed.

9. Avoid dangerous or tempting situations like being alone in a house.

What practical advice can I best give on planning a great date?

Here are seventeen starting areas where you can be a helpful coach:

1. Determine what your date likes and dislikes. Before planning your date, ask, What interests him? Does he like the outdoors or performing arts? Eliminate the things you know he won’t like to do.

2. Count your money. This will often narrow down the choice. If you don’t have a lot of money, spend it wisely or not at all. Many fun dates require no money. Did you know imagination and creative ideas can impress someone way more than money?

3. Maximize conversation. One of the main reasons for dating is to grow in your friendship. Always try to structure as much time to talk as possible.

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