Queerspawn in Love by Kellen Kaiser

Author:Kellen Kaiser
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: She Writes Press
Published: 2016-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

15

About Our Future

In May of 2003, I graduated from my fancy acting program. At the ceremony, held in the same wood-floored, wide-windowed studios that we had had all our classes in, I felt like the kid who fell through the cracks—but upon reflection, I guess I didn’t invest myself as much as most, either. While everyone else was immersed in art, I was focused on politics. I’d judged them all as we’d pretended the studio was filled with honey or pudding and waded, dragging our heavy, sticky feet, or imagined our loved ones dead to dredge up emotion. Art had felt selfish, masturbatory. But on that last day, I was the one who ended up feeling alone.

The view from the windows was the same as it had been over the past few years: a set of water towers that looked like rockets ready to take off from the rooftops. The newly blessed actors were emotional, lots of crying and ass kissing. Everyone seemed very attached to one another. At the end of the ceremony each of us received a pocket harmonica and a picture of the graduating class that I wasn’t in. Guess I hadn’t attended class that day. The end of an era.

Love über alles—including college, right? I was following in the great tradition of women who had prioritized their relationships over their education. I mean, how many women dropped out of school to get married? Hundreds of thousands, likely. Millions, maybe. I was at least graduating. The more I said it in my head the weirder it sounded. Who the hell had I become?

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