Prenups and the Elephant in the Room by Deborah Hope Wayne
Author:Deborah Hope Wayne
Language: eng
Format: epub
Interview #2: Antoinette
How did the topic of a prenup first come up?
We had talked about it. He mentioned it, but there wasn’t any real communication, and then it went away. I thought maybe he wanted just a verbal agreement.
What were your fiancé’s initial thoughts?
I could tell he was struggling with it. He was very emotional.
What was the most difficult part?
I wasn’t upset at first. I was 100% on board with the idea because I knew it was important to him and his family. What made me livid was that it was sprung on me when he gave me the papers only two weeks before the wedding. That was the hardest part because we hadn’t really talked about it in a long time. It was like a slap in the face. It seemed that he expected me to sign it without saying anything.
What helped you arrive at an agreement with your fiancé?
I didn’t have a problem with the idea of a prenup. I was not okay with some of the terms. My attorney helped me calm down and work through it. She helped me to understand the terms, and we worked together on the terms that needed to be changed.
Looking back, would you have changed anything?
I would have changed the timing and the way I was given the agreement.
Did any family member help you? If so, how?
No, I didn’t involve my family because I didn’t want them to judge my fiancé. I relied on my attorney. When I first told my mom, I felt sick to my stomach. Before it was a reality, my parents were upset because they were together since high school and have a strong marriage. They were “old school” in a traditional way, but they stayed out of it for the most part. My mom never said anything. She comforted me and did not put in her two cents. When my father found out, he asked if I wanted to walk away. He stayed out of it and left the decision to me. I trusted my fiancé implicitly and knew he wasn’t trying to stab me in the back.
How do you feel now that you have a signed agreement?
I feel fine now. It helped that we included a clause on putting in a safety reserve for me. My fiancé had a lot more money than I did, and we agreed that, after the wedding, I would set aside a percentage of my income each month. It made me feel equal in the relationship. I think we came up with a fair agreement, and I trust him. I am just so glad it’s behind us. It did take me a couple of months to let it go. Now we’re six months past the wedding, and I feel happy.
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