Me and the Robbersons by Siri Kolu

Author:Siri Kolu [Kolu, Siri]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Stripes Publishing Limited
Published: 2021-03-15T00:00:00+00:00

After the encounter with the Farnaby woman, everybody went off to do their own thing. Wild Karl met with the other bandit chiefs, Hilda spread out her baking things on the folding table and asked Golden Pete to set up a marquee over our pitch, so outsiders couldn’t see what she was doing. Hellie stayed with me.

“Let’s go over these events,” she said helpfully. “The boss finally decided to let Charlie take part in G&G. That stands for Guess and Grab. It’s a two-day competition where you have to guess what’s in the boot of a car based on just a quick glance. It’s judged according to who has the best hold-up strategies and takes particular risks. The boss used to take part, but he always got so worked up in the final that it’s better if Charlie has a go instead.”

Beneath the marquee, Hilda started kneading her dough. It contained a mixture of rye flour and a large quantity of kidney beans that had been soaked and ground into a paste.

“You kids go for a walk,” she said, out of breath from working the dough. “But don’t start chatting to anyone and don’t make eye contact. Take the walkie-talkie with you. You know the drill.”

I waited for Hellie to get ready. She took some things from her rucksack and put them in her pockets for our little excursion around the site. She slid her sheath knife into one of her biker boots. She had added a new loop to her belt for her butterfly knife, ready to grab in a matter of seconds. Hellie also put a can of pepper spray in her pocket. Then she took an impressive length of steel chain and threaded it through her belt loops, like a second belt. While she was tooling up for battle, she also explained the rules of the upcoming competition.

“Hilda’s going to do B&B,” she said. “It’s an annual competition. The name stands for Baking and Battle. The rules were tightened up last year. You can only use edible ingredients in the pies – you’re no longer allowed to poison other people. Now the judges also taste the pies and actually award points, which is a big improvement. The competitors used to sneak plaster and coal and all sorts into their pies for their opponents to eat.”

Hellie noticed my horrified expression and quickly added, “Baking and Battle is a two-event competition. First, each competitor has to bake a pie. Each pie is divided into as many pieces as there are competitors, usually six to eight, and then there is a piece for the judges as well. This year, points will be awarded for flavour and appearance. Then each competitor eats a piece of all the other competitors’ pies, so six to eight pieces. You can’t leave anything on your plate, or you’re instantly disqualified.”

As I was taking notes and trying to keep up with Hellie, my pencil lead snapped.

“The second round of the competition is wrestling,” she continued. “Everybody takes on everybody else in turns, one-on-one.

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