Making Children Mind without Losing Yours by Kevin Leman
Author:Kevin Leman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: FAM034000
ISBN: 9781441216717
Publisher: Baker Publishing Group
Published: 2009-09-01T00:00:00+00:00
8
When the Nuclear Family Explodes
Gail was a single mom struggling to bring up two young sons, but when her church sponsored a child-rearing seminar, she didnât come. The next Sunday, her pastor asked her why. âMaybe you already have all the answers,â he teased her gently.
âOh, no, Pastor. You know better than that,â she replied. âBut when I saw all those posters with both parents together, and when you kept announcing the seminar being for moms and dads, I guess I figured it wasnât for me. Itâs kind of different when youâre alone.â
Too often we authors and speakers make it sound as if our child-rearing advice is only for two-parent situationsâânuclear families,â as the sociologists call them. Many single parents feel left out, as if our carefully tested formulas must be applied in perfectly balanced, hermetically sealed laboratories, and their own lopsided families just donât make the grade. If Iâve made it sound like that in this book, Iâm sorry. The truth is, single parents can apply reality discipline just as effectively as anyone. For many, it may be just what they need.
Studies show that nearly 30 percent of the children in the United States now live in single-parent homes. About another 20 percent live in stepfamilies, or what I call âblended families.â Ozzie and Harriet are giving way to The Brady Bunch and Murphy Brown. Nuclear families are exploding, and many have to live with the fallout.
How does reality discipline apply in these situations? Are there special ways of showing love and firmness, of âpulling the rug out,â of holding kids accountable, when youâre the only parent in the home, or when youâre raising someone elseâs children? Yes and no. Most of the rest of this book still holds true in those cases, but there are some additional considerations, which weâll cover here.
Single-Parent Homes
The hardest job in the world is to be a single parent. You are breadwinner and bread baker, guide and gorilla, nurse and nag. You are single-handedly taking on the two-person task of parenting, in addition to whatever other jobs and activities you have. Most of the single parents I know are just plain weary.
Most single-parent situations are created through lossâthe loss of a spouse and parent through death or divorce. Great pain goes along with both these cases, and sometimes guilt or anger. So not only do you struggle to cope with your everyday life, you also have a stewpot of emotions to deal withâyours and your childrenâs! Itâs not an easy life. (I recognize that increasing numbers of never-married women are choosing motherhood. The emotions may be somewhat different in these cases, but itâs still not easy.)
Are you doomed, then, to a second-rate life? Will your children be forever scarred by this situation? Not necessarily. I know many children of single parents who are responsible teenagers and adults, happy, productive, and well-adjusted. Thatâs testimony to their character, their parentâs hard work, and the grace of God.
Take Care of Yourself
If youâre a single parent with custody of your kids, your life is full of stress.
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