Living on Automatic by Homer B. Martin MD & Christine B. L. Adams MD

Author:Homer B. Martin, MD & Christine B. L. Adams, MD
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: ABC-CLIO

When we encounter these remarks in conversation we rarely question whether the statement is accurate or a projection. We assume that interpreting everyday conversation is a simple task, but it is challenging because of the many ways we project that lead to miscommunication. Interpretation is especially difficult because our emotional conditioning curtails asking questions and thinking. Under these limitations, we almost invariably believe what we are told. Here is a case example.

Amanda

Amanda, 42, has been a librarian for 15 years. She recently had breast cancer and a mastectomy, and has pain in her upper chest and arm whenever she tries to shelve books. A student assistant is assigned to help her but does not because he’s on his phone all day with his girlfriend. Amanda does not press him to help. Instead she makes herself available to discuss his girlfriend problems with him. She explains, “It’s better to give than to receive.”

One day, a young woman student passes by and offers to help Amanda with shelving books. Amanda refuses, saying, “I prefer to do it myself.” Amanda assumes an omnipotent role. She is only comfortable giving help and expects nothing in return. She is appalled, angry, and offended when she is offered help: “How dare somebody think I need something.” Her thinking is not fully apparent, but her conditioning is. She projects the care and help she needs onto her student assistant. She will not accept help for herself that would make her work easier and less painful.

When we are in either role, we become intolerant of flaws in those we perceive as omnipotent and therefore perfect. Since omnipotents reject relationships that might offer an opportunity for dependency, these projections keep fellow omnipotents at a distance. The same device omnipotents use to maintain an illusion of perfection also helps them appear to be completely independent.

IMPOTENTS USE PROJECTIONS WITH GREAT EFFECTIVENESS TO RID THEMSELVES OF INTOLERABLE THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS. After an impotent offends a close friend, he might say, “But I thought you wanted me to do it.” Such projections arise because impotents are unable to bear much responsibility. In any situation in which impotents are asked to account for questionable or irresponsible acts, they immediately project blame onto someone else, absolving themselves at the other person’s expense. They usually target omnipotents.

For years omnipotents may receive blame for unhappiness in a relationship and may accept it, believing each instance to result from their own personal inadequacies. Assuming all responsibility in a relationship also requires accepting blame for any failure. The following quotations are examples of impotent projections transferring the impotent’s own thoughts or actions onto another person:

“You don’t love me and never did.”

“You think you know everything.”

“You don’t pay any attention to me.”

“You always want everything your way.”

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