John & Jackie by Klune T. J

Author:Klune, T. J. [Klune, T. J.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Romance, Contemporary, gay
ISBN: 9781627988551
Goodreads: 22742614
Publisher: Dreamspinner Press
Published: 2014-07-25T07:00:00+00:00

Nine

Please Don’t Leave

“And you did,” he whispers to me now. “Every day you did.”

“I tried,” I say, reaching up to brush my fingers along his brow. He closes his eyes and hums a little sound from the back of his throat as he presses into my touch. “Lord knows I did.”

“I know, Jackie.”

“John?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s still there? With your whole heart?”

“Yeah. My whole heart.”

“Me too.”

He looks happy.

I start to pull my hand away, but I freeze when I see it’s covered in fading sunlight. I look up the wall and see the sun has stretched up high, as it always does when dusk approaches. I start to shake, wondering if I can somehow block him from seeing it, shield him from seeing how close it is, that it’s almost time.

I’m not ready. It can’t be now.

I still have days and weeks and months and years of things I need to say to him. It’s too soon. There’s not enough time. There will never be enough time. It’s not fair. I don’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve this. How can it end this way and—

“Jackie,” he sighs. “I know.”

And he does, because he’s watching me with those shrewd eyes. One thing I’ve learned about my life with John is that there’s nothing I’ve been able to hide from him. It’s one of those secrets of long-term couples, able to read each other’s little tics, their tells, their every move. And their thoughts. Even if it wasn’t splayed across my face, he’d know what I was thinking because he knows me.

I shake my head wildly, starting to lose control. I told myself I wouldn’t, but I can’t stop it. “Maybe we can try more radiation therapy. Or surgery again! We don’t know what could happen tomorrow! They could come up with some procedure that we haven’t thought of yet. It’ll be—”

“It won’t help,” he says. “You know that, Jackie. It’s too late.”

“It can’t be,” I say weakly, tears in my eyes. “It can’t be too late. I’m not done with you yet. I’ll never be done with you. Can’t you see I need you?”

He grips my hand tightly. “Right now,” he says, “I need you more.”

I hang my head. I hang my head because I can’t hold it up anymore, because my best friend for the last seventy-one years is right. Maybe I’m allowed to be selfish. Maybe I’m allowed to break, but I can’t. It’s not about me. It’s about this man, my John, and what I’ve promised him. My suffering is nothing compared to his, and I promised if I could do anything to ease it, I would.

And I will. All John ever wanted was me, and he needs me now.

I nod tightly and stand slowly, carefully, starting to pull away. I don’t get far as he doesn’t let my hand go. His grasp is stronger than it’s been in months. It’s all bone and tendon, but it’s still familiar, his touch second nature to me. So why does it feel like so much more?

“Jackie,” he says.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.