Fighting the Fear - A Queer MMA Fighting Romance by Courtney W. Dixon

Author:Courtney W. Dixon [Dixon, Courtney W.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: anonymous
Published: 2024-01-02T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter ten

Nolan

Sometimes, I hated my life. I understood that I was privileged, but I also never got the chance to live my life the way I wanted to. There were times I wished I had pursued my love of writing. I dabbled on the side because I loved it, but I didn’t write that much either, being a constant reminder that dreams don’t always come true. I had obligations to fulfill and parents who were impossible to please. Then there was my being gay. To live openly and have my parents accept it would’ve been ideal. Hell, simply having them love me unconditionally would’ve made my life.

Then, reality would snap me out of it, knowing that so many people had it worse. People like Jace, who’d had his life completely derailed over an accident. Maybe he had a purpose now, but it wasn’t what he wanted his life to be, and I completely empathized with him.

How strange to relate to someone whose life was so vastly different from mine. It had me gravitating to the older man more than ever. Behind his pain and high walls lay a kind man, one who saved men even when they were stupidly in a place they didn’t belong.

I looked down at my hand still resting on his knee. I hadn’t removed it yet, not wanting to sever the electricity coursing through me. “I’m so sorry, Jace.”

He shrugged and looked away. “It is what it is.”

I didn’t know what to make of his lack of discomfort with me still touching him. What did that mean?

“I always wanted to be a writer.”

He looked at me and fingered his blond bangs away from his face. “Yeah? What would you write about?”

“I’ve been tinkering with a coming-of-age literary fiction of a gay boy and the struggles he faces to be himself.”

“Is it about you?”

I blew out a laugh and smiled. “In a way.”

“Is there a happy ending for him?”

Was his question about me or my book? “I’m not sure where his story is going yet.”

My stomach dipped, and my breath caught when he lifted my hand, not to toss it away but to play with my fingers. My body shuddered and tingled from his touch, and I didn’t dare move to prevent severing our connection. He didn’t look at me as his brows pinched together, forming a ‘V’ between them. Was he wondering why he was touching me? He appeared confused. “I don’t know where my story is going yet either, but I want that to change.”

“How do you want it to change?”

He still wouldn’t look at me as he shrugged again. “You should write that book.”

No way I’d let him deflect the conversation back onto me. I needed to know what he meant more than I needed to breathe, especially with him still playing with my fingers. Despite trusting him, because you didn’t always know how a straight man would react, I took a risk and rested my free hand on his cheek to pull his face toward me.

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