Dysfunctional by Eve Dangerfield

Author:Eve Dangerfield
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Eve Dangerfield

5

How to get over a sweet, handsome, intelligent, well-dressed guy who eats pussy like it’s his job and asked you out, but you turned him down because you’ve built a life around being bitterly single

1.

2.

3.

Do you think I have any answers here? Seriously?

Candy no longer works at the Diamond Hill Country Club and Function Center. Locking me and Austin in the conference room was the first in a series of pranks she committed on her last shift. She gave away free shots, cooked Duncan’s car keys in the oven, cut the phone line to the restaurant “so you couldn’t call and get someone else to let out. Also, so idiots couldn’t ring up and ask what time we close—like that information isn’t already on the fucking internet.” The crown jewel in her chaos however was dropping a bunch of tampons into the toilets. I don’t know what the overall damage bill was, but the impairment to the ancient plumbing alone was immense.

I was there when Mick showed up at one in the morning and hauled her into his office, red in the face and threatening to call the cops. Candy was cool as a fucking cucumber. She swaggered out five minutes later, looking like a cat who had licked up every ounce of cream in the world.

“Come on Jessums,” she said. “We’re leaving.”

She looked so authoritative, and I felt so fucking drained, that I followed her to the locker room without a word. She drove me to Argyle, the nearest open bar, and pushed a gin and tonic into my hands.

“So you’re fired?” I asked.

“I quit,” she said, taking a big swig of martini.

“Are you going to jail for what you did to the toilets?”

“Nope. I told Mick it was just a bit of workplace anarchy and to get over it.”

I gaped at her. “That worked?”

“Not exactly, I also had to tell him that if he went to the cops I’d tell them about all the illegal bollocks we do, including the liquor swapping and that his mate groped Sophia and he gave her a hundred bucks not to tell anyone. He told me I’d get my last pay invoice in the mail and I left.”

“Holy shit.”

Candy nods. “I know, it was amazing. I completely ruined those toilets. Anyway, what happened with you and the sexy Pointer?”

“Excuse me?”

“The sexy Pointer,” she repeated. “You know, the American guy.”

“Why are you saying he’s a Pointer? What’s a Pointer?”

“A gun dog. He reminds me of one, kind of sleek and well trained. Sexy. I’ll show you.” Candy pulled out her phone and found a picture of a Pointer. I would never say this to Austin’s face but he did kind of look like a pointer. His attitude also reminded me of a gun dog, there was a profound openness about him, a non-judgment and loyalty that was almost canine. Although, I knew that was almost certainly post-hookup nostalgia setting in. No man was perfect, Austin included. I tried to remind myself about that as Candy reminisced about how angry Duncan had been when she cooked his keys.

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